Growing Old



I hate the feeling of growing old and yet I love it at times. I hate growing older because it means I'm 1 year further away from my youthful days. But I still love growing older because it means I'm 1 year closer to my dreams and goals. Some people age physcially, others mentally. Appearance wise, I don't seem to grow any older that rapidly but mentally I'm older by another year. I still have my boyish looks.

I don't like my birthdays, to be honest I never enjoyed a single one of them that much. There were only 1 or 2 memorable ones, that was all about it. And most of the time, few people would remember the date. Over the years I've grown used to the disappointment, people often imply the idea that I've had a party in full swing celebrating for me but the fact was I spent my last 2 birthdays sleeping at home and watching a world cup match with a friend.

Hence I never liked my birthdays, there's an aura of excitement as the day approaches but often clouded by disappointments eventually. Still, happy birthday to myself......I'm a year closer to my dreams! And I know only after this entry will the birthday wishes come flooding in..and I say thanks in advance.

Pls do me a favour, do not dampen my mood by asking me how I'm gonna celebrate. Esp those who have my msn. Thanks but I have simply grown sick of this question coming in for years.

Exclusive Entry!

There's one more, I couldn't her pic though.

Not many would post such an entry, especially the picture below but ever since I drew the curtains on relationships, I thought it would be a good idea to do something of a reflection of all my previous partners. Yes all of them from the very first one at the age of 14 in 1997 to the very last one early this year.

I believe many people out there often associate me as a guy surrounded by girls but I think having 11 ex gfs over a 10 year spell for a guy turning 24 in a week's time is quite okay. Of course those who have 1 or 2 extremely long relationships will say something like "i only have 1 ex bf and we last 6 years lor". But hey how can u compare this way? If I lasted with 1 of them I wouldnt have met the others right? And for those who think I've got high expectations I believe I've justified my saying that my expectations in terms of appearance isn't that high as some people would make out of. But I believe in the future when I open up the door again this expectation would be alot higher than compare to previously. I always believe I deserve better.

In these 10 years, I've learnt countless invaluable lessons, scarred many hearts and broken even more others'. Beside having to be selfish and devote all my time towards my goals, the other reason for drawing the curtains on relationships is because I'm so sick of starting all over again after meeting the wrong ones. It's not as fun and exciting as some might think or assume of me.

I still crave for love sometimes and at times I see couples on the streets I felt a gush of loneliness sweeping past me. But I will never give in to this craving anymore for now, I'm still young and there are more important things to look forward to. I would rather kiss a real cinderalla than be kissing 20 wrong ones and so when the time comes, the door will be opened once again. I will miss the feeling of being in love for sure, the sweetness and tenderness of having someone you love with you is second to none.

I do not understand too, how people wanna get into a relationship and yet still wishes to have fun and enjoy their life. If u know u can't commit and still wanna enjoy ur best years in life, why bother to have a partner just for the sake of having one? Or issit because their self esteem is so low that they need a companion all the time?

You know, I'm getting sick of seeing guys trying to 'grab 'every girl they see in sight, trying to get their msn, hp, it's always the same thing. I wonder what thrill or exciting anticipation is there in doing these? This idea of 'making friend' and 'getting to know u' have always rank as one of the worst behaviours in my mindset. I've never ever said such a line as "hey can we be friends"? Never and never will. While there is nothing wrong with making friends, going all out and making friends with every single girl u see in sight is just not correct in my opinion. And these idiots are to be blamed for girls having such stucked up mindsets about guys being desperate and pervertic nowadays.

I firmly believe all humans are borned horny and need sex. It's just a matter of how u control and potray yourself. Look, girls are horny and need sex too but they can't possibly show it out or they will be termed as sluts isn't it? Similiary, guys too will be termed as desperates or perverts if they potray it wrongly or can't seem to control those horns of theirs. The difference is that girls are somehow very much better than guys at being able to control it whilst most guys are just potraying it all wrongly and setting up a bad image of themselves.

This is why I never want to follow the crowd because if u do what everyone else does, u will get what everyone else gets and that means rejection and leaving a bad impression on others in this case. And before anyone who can't stomach this entry start being a keyboard warrior, please...I didn't point a knife at u and made u read it. The little [x] is just at the top right hand corner of your window.

The week that was

Haven't been blogging this week so I decided to summarize up my week altogether with truckloads of pictures. Ok I'm extraggating, not that much but haven't been able to post so many pictures in a single entry for sometime.

My long and overdued graduation cenemory finally arrived on Tuesday. By rights I should have it last year in June together with my class and the same batch of 2003s but failings in 2 modules in semester 1 resulted in repeating 2 modules and having an extra semester which only ends in August last year. I'm not the only 1 of course, there were Joey, Grace, Sijie, etc but believe me we do feel kinda extra at the cenemory but who cares haha. People may say, "aiya diploma only mah, no need go one la so extra somemore". But hey u got a diploma graduation cenemory to attend of not in the first place uh? I may never get to attend a University graduation cenemory so this makes it a once in a lifetime experience and memory.

That morning was kinda hectic, had to rush cab down thinking I was late but ended up early. Worse still, my new leather shoes were so 'long' and pointed that it makes walking really hard especially having to climb lots of stairs. I was trying my best not to do a Miss USA Universe and trip while going on stage u know. Feel a sense of acheivement as I've said plenty of times before I don't see myself being where I am during secondary school days. But then, looking at my grades there were sense of regrets as well. I hate having regrets because it pushes me back instead of forward but I couldn't help thinking why I didn't strive hard for better grades. Those Cs didn't look really nice with a couple of Bs in between and a single A. Taking the positives instead, at least I know I have the platform to move onto another level now and make sure I do something that ranks along with my major interests like arts, designs, media and physchology.


Red Carpet, woot!


I think this is my first picture with my parents since god knows how long ago?


Grace & Me, I like this picture coz we loook like real graduates! :D


With the director, she's still nagging me for what happen in the Tammy NYP incident!


One of the best lecturers in ICT Mr Arnand


My tutor, my soccer mate, my fellow liverpool fan, my friend! Everyone loves Mr Tan!


My FYP supervisor Mr Chen, funny guy and I think he gave me overrated grades! haha!


Mr Fullu, his classes are always the most slack!


Ming Kat & Me, damn police always looking so serious haha


Rabbit aka Michelle & me! I like this picture too!




Mr Choo always smiles the biggest!! My only A grade came from him!

Finally yeah? :D

And then the next few days were great in office basically because of the change in Boss or Commanding Officer as we call it there. Someone mentioned in the SAF forums that a change in boss is like a refreshing change between heaven and hell and I think it was spot on, inch perfect! How much I love life now under this new boss even though it's still early days but at least their personalities were a total contrast, opposites! And he only came to office on Monday so the rest of the week namely Wednesday, Thursday & Fridays were great, being able to slack and leave early! =D

We spent Friday celebrating Joey's birthday. It's been a long time I had a nice gathering with the T13s but it was still pretty much the same, lots of noise, nonsense, laughters and pictures! I wouldn't wanna suggest any makan place anymore I guess, thanks to Owen and my allergic of fishy smell, we end up switching Manhattan Fish Market for some Thai restaurant call Chiang Mai Palace which I think Joey wasn't too please with. It's still stressful when u arrive and the first sentence u hear was "wah lao why the place so ulu!". But thankfully the food wasn't bad or else I'm gonna feel even stressed especially when u look at our total bill of over 200 bucks for 10 heads accouting to $27 for each person. This makes it one of our most expensive dinners I guess but I think it's still worth it because I love thai food! Then again, I'm still cursing the person who ordered the double fish dish which costs $70....argh!

Headed to New Asia Bar after that, I was reluctant to go but as usual I always get dragged along. The cover charge was kinda expensive and unworthly so we ended up going to MOS. Ahhh I didn't wanna club but since it's been a really long time we have a chane to party together and it's auntie Joey's birthday, I gave in. I restricted myself to just 3 or 4 glasses and turn 'bartender' for them while they make poor Jingxi drunk on her virgin clubbing session with us haha! As usual lah what else! I bump into someone there too, someone whom I rank amongst the 4 most wasted "what ifs" in my previous post. Initially I looked at her and I thought she wouldn't remember me, it's been like 6 or 7 years since we met afterall. But surprisingly she smiled at me and so we hook up a little conversation and snap 2 pictures. I didn't expect to see her of all places, at mos? And who were to know that our next and only solo picture to date would be 6-7 years after our last meeting? Life indeed throws up surprises when u least expect it.

I have a fettish for girls who wear wrapped up sharp pointed heels but I hate it when they don't know how to walk and step on my feets. It's freaking painful and my nails were like cracked. As if saying sorry makes a difference, u should suck my toes for me to make up for it! Heh..


Where do u guys wanna go after dinner? (out pops anything and whatever!) LOL






Guys...


Girls...


Altogether!


Dunno how to smile bigger issit!


Adeline Joey Kylie & Jingxi meimei haha


I'm a gd photographer, see? Owen the ah beng..


The KS (ki siao) symptoms when we go clubbing..


Jason look like someoone's pointing a gun at him to smile..


which is my hand?


Jas & Me :)

Biting the hand that fed u

Sometimes I cannot understand how humans can be so unappreciative and self-centered as to bite the pair of hands that fed the person. You are who you are today, you got to where you presently are all because of your roots. How can u just simply shove it aside like nothing?

People these days ought to practice more sensitiveness in themselves. There is this thing call karma that exists. Things happens for a reason and sometimes we just don't realize it's actually karma. What u do will come back to haunt u. Your insensitive approach, unappreciative kindness and stucked up attitude will only be your own downfall. People don't understand this, they are like robots, seeing what everyone else does and they follow suit without even thinking about it.

I'm not excatly a very nice and kind person, I give my fair share of crude treatments and insensitive comments but at least I know my roots and I will never stomp on it. When people left secondary school they are often so happy to be out of that uniform and moving on to a new lease of life. Me too I couldn't wait to leave that school but till now I always remember my secondary school as the place I woke up in time to turn my life around, I always remember and am always grateful to people there who gave me so many chances. This is a good example of being appreciative towards the hand which fed u isn't it?

I think many people find me wierd, I keep certain things within myself but the rest I'm often very straight forward about them. This is probably why people find me wierd, I'm like both hot and cold. But who cares, I wasn't paid to be a crystal clear glass of water to people.

Collected my graduation gown after the medical appointment this afternoon. It looks wierd on me, now I need to shop for a sexy pink necktie to go with my shirt and new shoes too. Walked past the exam hall on my way to collect the gown, it was filled with people having their common tests and memories came flooding back, only not too long ago I was there myself stressing to pass those papers. hohoho...