Wednesday, July 25, 2007
I feel lousy

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Today is a really a day to forget. Right from the moment I opened my eyes at 5.30am I've been feeling so damn lousy ever since. I couldn't focus at work, showed my black face all day long, threw all sorts of attitudes and almost snap twice. There's something bothering me, I can't for sure say it out directly, I can't.

But it's like you know, within such a short space of time, things can change so much. It can make such a big difference. Yes I certainly know it and I hate feeling this kind of blues, it's so bothering and worst part is I can't seem to do anything about it. This world is funny beyond doubt sometimes, what's seem so nice and exciting today could turn out to be funeral tomorrow.
For so many months my door remained shut and when I opened it a little, I got a rotten egg slammed right in my face. I'm sick and scared of it, I don't wanna open my door anymore for the foreseeable future. It hurts.

I hate my instincts and 6th senses sometimes, they are ever so accurate and rarely lets me down. Sometimes it's not a matter of thinking too much, rather its like the writing is already on the wall. I knew it I knew it, I knew what was coming and yet I can't do anything about it. I feel so damn miserable now I don't even feel like going to the party tomorrow anymore, afterall I don't have anyone to go with. Going out isn't about the place sometimes it's about whom u go with that matters.

Sigh, somewhere down there I feel kinda painful and it shouldn't even have happened at all. Absence makes presence significant but I guess I'm just an insignificant one.
posted by mango at 7:51 PM 0 Bitchings
Monday, July 23, 2007
A picture speaks a thousand words

It can be anything u imply.

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posted by mango at 9:30 PM 0 Bitchings
Saturday, July 21, 2007
A world full of unsaid words

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Millions of unspoken thoughts, a world full of unsaid words. Why is it so difficult to translate thoughts into words? There are so much to be said and yet so much that can't be said sometimes. I lost count of the number of times where I wanted to say something and yet I know or rather I feel it shouldn't be said. There are many factors that contribute to this - fear, ego, timing, feelings, insecurity, situations, people, consequences, etc.

Why is it that the words that comes out of my mouth contradicts that of those in my mind? I see myself as a straightforward person who deson't beats about the brush but yet I also find myself bottling up more stuffs than I would like to. I'm really direct when it comes to opinionated issues but when it's about me, I tend to hold back my words.

As I turn the clock back, I realize there were so many occasions whereby if I had said what I actually felt in my mind, the situation or result would have been different. I don't like living on my past, I don't like being held back and so 'regret' have never existed in my dictionary. But honestly there were times I look back and think of all the 'what could have beens' and 'ifs'.

This is perhaps why I can't think of more than 3 people who can claim to know the real me and understand my mind. Being a person who doesn't reveals much of myself doesn't help matters as well. It is such a torture bottling things up but it's even more of a torture when people start assuming they know you when they don't at all.

There are many examples and one of the more common one is when people assume I've alot of friends because I'm a popular person. I don't understand the definition of 'popular' whereby human beings are concerned and I believe those who say such a thing didn't get the right definition of 'friend' as well. I do have alot of friends but how many can claim to be real friends? When I'm in deep shit, how many can claim to burrow a tunnel out for me? When I just need someone to talk to or go out with, how many would actually willingly step forward? There are certainly more excuses than people who step forward I can tell you.

Masks have become a formality to most people, it's so difficult to place your trust in someone, and even difficult to see through those masks.

Sometimes I feel like running away for good, this complicated place just doesn't suit me. I could live on a farm, a mountain, by the seaside, a rural village or anywhere where every corner smells of nature and peace. I wouldn't mind the hardship or simple life, I won't even need a computer in my life.

Unfortunately I was born in a dog eat dog world where "every man for himself" seem to be the motto. Hence in one of the survival kit, it is to learn how to blend in and so people seldom got to see the real me. It doesn't matter anyway, afterall I live in a world full of unsaid words.
posted by mango at 1:23 AM 0 Bitchings
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
The devil within

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Heed the warning signs, don't piss me off. When I snap, it's something u can never conceptualize. Flamboyant characters often comes with a temper, I'm no different. Whenever I snap, I feel my body and mind being taken over by another person, a devish soul. Throughout the years though I've become something of an inactive volcano (damn I cant rem what's that word used to describe inactive volcanoes).

I don't flare up as easily as before anymore, I've learnt how to manage my anger and temper. My ferocious temper have gotten me into more troubles than I had wished for and cost me a relationship as well. Honestly I can never curb my temper completely because I'm simply borned with it and if u take it away then it's no longer the original me. They say a guy with a temper is manly but they also say too much of it is bad. Hence being moderate's the most ideal solution but I don't know if I've curb down my temper enough to be termed as moderate though.

Today I almost snapped, and if it was 6 or 7 years back I would have really snapped. I'm just not the type of person who fancy being ordered around. I don't care if it's work or serving ns really, no rules said I'm supposed to be kicked around like a soccer ball. I don't like being asked to do things when I'm already aware that I'm supposed to do it anyway. And when even my boss doesn't have a reason to order me around, whats more a superior officer?

I hate meetings especially those whereby afterwards the entire table will be filled with cups, glasses, leftover snacks etc. And being the so call 'lowest rank' person Im supposed to clear all these shit and wash the dishes? Hey FUCK U alright, since when I'm the dishwasher? Which part of my vocation said I'm supposed to wash dishes? Got so mad this evening when I'm ready to get my ass outta office and was asked to clear up the mess. I didn't snap, I came close to and anyone could have told from my face that I was in a fiery mood and u wouldn't fancy poking another word that could really burst the bubble I swear.

Pissed off but yet able to THINK before I act, I simply did it my way - dumping all the cups, glasses, plates etc into the sink and off I went. I didn't care if I broke any of the glasses I didn't care they were unwashed. And I'm NOT going to wash them tomorrow either if they are still unwashed. Damn it what fucking nonsense is this NS about? I have to wash dish, serve water etc? I'm a waiter uh? Even waiters get paid more than this pathetic ns allowance.

I don't expect things to go my way all the time in life, but I just cannot stand people trying to order me around. People say in NS ur a slave, just serve finish ur 'sentence' and fuck off or simply just act blur. Although there's a point in both, I still stand by my own motto of standing up for myself. If I don't stand up for myself, who is going to stand up for me?

Makes sense? I bet it did!
posted by mango at 8:42 PM 0 Bitchings
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Ups and Downs

Ups - Bangkok holiday trip booked! (flying off on sept21)
Downs - Shopping trip today called off (jiajia overslep)

Woooot finally my much needed holidays trip overseas is confirmed! But we are damn broke now thanks to the stupid air asia website. Owen booked the trip and clicked the submit button but it showed an error box. Tried a second time and the result was still the same. Gave up and went home only to be shock by 2 emails stating we have BOOKED both trips and had $600+ deducted from the bank account for a one way flight for 4! The worst thing is we booked the same flight same time and same destination for the same 4 of us thanks to the stupid error! Luckily they admitted their mistake the next morning when Owen called them and managed to cancelled the 2nd booking but will only refund us the $300+ 1 month later. And so after booking the return flight for $400+ we are damn broke now!

Nevertheless there's something to look forward to now! And I'm planning to spend x'Mas this year in Hong Kong. It's always been my dream to spend x'Mas overseas.

The downside is that the shopping trip I was so looking forward to today was called off because JiaJia woke up really late. She asked why I didnt call her to wake her up but well u know I'm not the sort who like to ring people non stop especially when they're sleeping. I'm not some pest that prester people non stop u know.

It's a pity really because all week I was looking forward to today and now I ended up spending Sunday at home. I don't blame her, she's been working non stop for the past week and having cramps isnt a nice time to shop I believe. It's just a waste I feel because it's been a long time we see each other as well.

Oh well and tomorrow's Monday, dreadful Monday and the start of another long week. Ahhhh.....

Anyway I got this from a long test I took at lovehappens.com, just some stuffs about me supposely based on the test I took...and I actually find almost all the points true...

You're unusually ambitious, personable and have a great sense of humor. Chances are you care a lot about how you look and are bursting with self-confidence. People admire you for both for your achievements, determination, and drive.

You're highly unique, as only 3% of men your age have the same personality type. Another 9% have personality types similar to yours.

It's the extent to which you are adventurous confident easygoing materialistic that sets you apart from other men your age.

3% of women are looking for your exact type. Another 18% are looking for someone highly similar to your type. Women like the extent to which you're adventurous.

The research indicates that women are most drawn to your willingness to explore and take risks.

Your ideal sexual partner is a very passionate person who knows how to fully enjoy sex. She has a highly active sex drive and imagination when it comes to trying new sexual moves. And these characteristics set her up for having intense and pleasurable sexual encounters that bring her much satisfaction -- even if they don't include orgasm. More than most people, she knows how to value the pleasures of sexuality and is not afraid to pursue those feelings when the timing is right.

You're a very passionate person who knows how to fully enjoy sex. You have a highly active sex drive and imagination when it comes to trying new sexual moves. And these characteristics set you up for having intense and pleasurable sexual encounters that bring you much satisfaction -- even if the focus isn't on orgasm. More than most people, you know how to value the pleasures of sexuality and are not afraid to pursue those feelings when the timing is right.
posted by mango at 8:37 PM 0 Bitchings
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Passport Blues

I feel like a kuku, I don't even know passports are limited to a certain number of years, with mine being 10 years before requiring to changed/remake a new one. And so when I handed my passport over to the counter at ICA as before, requesting for a renewal, I was surprised when the lady handed me an application form. So I said.... "errr u must have got it wrong, I wanna renew or extend my passport, not to make a new one." Adding to my surprise, she said "oh yours is already 10 years, pointing to my issue date which is 1997. What the heck, I thought of all the fuss and troubles that I'd have to go through just to remake a new one. Reluctantly look the application form and walk off to queue at the photo taking gallery.

My first thoughts were..."oh no, we're screwed because we're supposed to book our flight to Bangkok tomorrow and now I have to...remake my whole passport? arhhhh!"

More troubles were to follow at the photo taking gallery, those machine u know where a person will sit outside with the photoshop stuff. When it was my turn, I went in and suddenly the lady say: "hey u wearing colored contact lens issit", to which I replied "yeah whats wrong, u have a problem with that?" And I was horrified when she say color lenses were not allowed, it will result in the application being rejected etc etc. What the....and what was i supposed to do? I dont even have my lens case or solution with me how to remove it? I feel like giving the auntie a tongue lashing when she handed me a plastic slip asking me to place my lens on the. Hello, are u crazy?

Ended up I had to walk out and ask an officer if its possible to snap with my color lenses on. Luckily she's clever enough to say its possible, just darken my eye balls with photoshop. PHOTOSHOP!!! Thats the purpose of it right? I suspect the auntie didnt know how to use photoshop thats why! I went back with an evil grin on my face and when I stepped into the room I said: "ohh paiseh uh, the officer say u juz need to use PHOTOSHOP and darken my eyes, u dunno how to use issit? Want me to do for u?"

I sense the aunties were so angry they immediately asked a younger guy to do for me, so off I went to the other machine and my picture was done within 5mins because I requested to be ahead of everyone as Im in a rush. My acting skills and princey attitude was such a turn off I believe but who cares haha.

Then I had to decide between applying it by form or online. I choosed online and went into the room and got screwed again. This time, the lady said that 11B is not allow because she need to enter the NRIC issue date which is not stated on 11Bs. I totally feel like heaven is restricting me from going to Bangkok! Left with 1 last option, I went to those counter and manually fill up that stupid form and was about to submi the form for payment when I rememberd that I still dunno the new passport expiry date which is needed to book my flight tickets.

Seeing an ICA staff nearby, I asked her a very very simple question: "may I know if i extend my passport today as in a new application, what would be my new passport expiry date?"

And guess what? My question seem like: "may I borrow $500,000 from you, i promise to return u asap".

I'm not being scarastic but that was the look on her fucking face. Hey u're a staff and u're supposed to help me, how can u keep shaking ur stupid head and telling me u don't know or how would u know? Keep pointing to god know which direction asking me to go there go there ask. Where the hell is there man!? Seeing her so terrified and hopeless, I gave her a black face and left. Went back to the counter and seek assistance and luckily this chinese lady gave me an interview with an ICA officer to find out more. I had to fake a reason for being so urgently requiring my passport. Hence I said I had an emergency in Korea and they all believed my story and Oscar acting skills again!

In the interview room, this Indian lady must be having some PMS or what, kept giving me fucking attitude like the previous one and don't seem to know anything. I almost lost my temper there. Here I was asking her one thing and there she was telling me another. And the way she talk, u know indians like to move their head when they talk, I feel like smacking it. I'm no racist but Im irritated enough by all these troubles. Eventually I request to meet the passport application officer and that was where I finally met an angel who told me that if I make today it will be excatly 5 years from now my passport expires. I ended up paying $80, an extra $10 but who cares, what a relief!

Biometric passport, totally screwed up my afternoon! Went to bugis to meet Julia to settle some Citibank stuff and then since it was still early I decided to go shopping, all by myself. Been a long time I shopped alone, saw lots of stuff. Tempted but restricted myself to 2 tops, a belt and some neck accessories. People were like looking at me like they've never seen a guy going shopping alone before. I wish everyday is like that, minus the ICA stuff of course, being able to leave office after lunch and go shopping!

I'm praying Alvin dont screw this up, I want my flight tickets tomorrow!
posted by mango at 7:45 PM 0 Bitchings
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Surprise!

This is my sis......

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......And she made my day!

I wasn't expecting this I swear, as usual I tugged my tired body back home and opened my letterbox. My eyes widen when I saw a big white package that obviously is something special. Took it out and saw my name on it and I went: "huh? mine? what is this? from who?"

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I must be really tired or sleepy I kept looking all over at the padded bag without a clue what was it or whom it was from. Until I saw the address' handwriting....kinda messy and very 'singaporean' and when I turn it behind, tadah my guess was right, from my dear sis Jean all the way back in Australia! I felt so touched and happy that moment but I didnt opened it up until I got home.

It may be just a simple vintage tee and a card, but the thoughts and efforts were more than enough. Like what my poly mates did for me, there were alot of efforts in this padded bag. So much that I'm not gonna dump any single thing away, not even the envelope or wrapper, hey its afterall my first air mail from outside Singapore and it's so unexpected, almost 2 weeks after my birthday. But it's always better to be late than never! It totally make my day, and like I said before I think this year's birthday have been the best one so far thanks to some great people around me.

Thank you sis, I didn't say this just because u sent me a nice birthday package from Aust but because u've always been great to me, there when I needed someone too and of course u know me better than anyone else do. Xie xie ni, but please improve on ur handwriting! =D

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posted by mango at 8:55 PM 0 Bitchings
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Boring Life

Caught 2 nice movies in a single week, a something rare indeed considering I always struggle to find people to catch shows with me. Thumbs up to both Transformers and 'My wife is a gangster 3', both are nice and the latter is dead funny I can't help laughing through the whole show. It was also the 1st time I had Carls's Jr burgers and what better place to have it in, other than a cinema? Haha imagine the smell of those burgers and fries through the nostrils of the audiences. Heh..

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Colored jeans seem to be in fashion once again. I still can recall those ah beng days back in 1997 where bright colored pants and jeans were a hit on the streets. They are out once again, saw so many of them in Topshop and Queens Courture in heeren. Just that now, it's not as crazy as before where people wore burberry's shirt with those colored pants or jeans? Imagine that...haha hilarious and Im laughing at myself in fact as I'm one of them haha. Anyway, couldn't help it, bought a white skinny jeans for myself. Intend to get a pink vintage shirt to go with it and a Armani white belt next Sunday. I need more jeans, my waist have grown and I can no longer fit into nearly all my jeans! I'm in the mood for shopping once again!
posted by mango at 11:53 PM 0 Bitchings
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Oh Muthu!!

MUTHU & THE INTERVIEWER
Interviewer : "What is your birth date?"
Muthu : "13th October."
Interviewer : "Which year?"
Muthu : "Every year."

MUTHU & HIS MANAGER
The Manager asked Muthu at an interview....
"Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?"
Muthu replied: "P-O-S-T-B-O-X."

MUTHU & LONDON TRIP
After returning from a foreign trip, Muthu asked his wife, "Do I look like a foreigner?"
Wife: "No! Why?"
Muthu : "In London, a lady asked me, 'Are you a foreigner?'...that's why."
Wife : ?????????

MUTHU & TOURIST
A tourist from U.S.A. asked Muthu whether any great man was born in his village... and Muthu said .. "No sir, only babies were born here."

MUTHU & HIS EXPERIMENT
Muthu was doing an experiment with a cockroach. First he cut off one leg and told it to "WALK! WALK!" The cockroach walked.
Then he cut off it's second leg and told the same. The cockroach walked.
Then he cut off the third leg and did the same. Finally, he cut off its fourth leg and ordered it walk! But the cockroach didn't walk. Suddenly, Muthu said loudly, "I found it. If we cut a cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf."

MUTHU & DRIVER
When Muthu was travelling with his wife in a motorised tricycle, the driver adjusted the mirror. Muthu shouted, "You are trying to see my wife, eh? Sit in the back. I will drive."

MUTHU GOES TO HOTEL
Muthu went into a hotel. To wash his hands, he went to the washbasin.
Then when he had finished, he started washing the basin. Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing. Muthu pointed towards the signboard - "WASH BASIN"

MUTHU & INTERVIEWER - FINAL PART
Interviewer : "Just imagine you're in the 20th floor of a building and it's on fire. How will you escape?"
Muthu: "It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination."

LASTLY...
At a political rally, Muthu was arrested. Why ????????????
Because a lady journalist with a badge which read "*PRESS*" pinned on the right part of her blouse walked past him... and he went to PRESS 'it'!
posted by mango at 8:00 PM 0 Bitchings
Monday, July 02, 2007
The Grass Is Greener

My birthday seem to brought me better days, these days I sleep better, breathe easier and wake up happier each day. For a start, the change in boss certainly helps. Words can't express what a relief it is having a new boss whose personality is a total 101% opposite that of the previous one. What a refreshing change it is, I don't feel so much pressure as before. I made an error while compiling some stock records, he didn't told me off and even explain to me the purpose of compiling them. If it was the previous bitch? I would have been given a tongue lashing straight away. I think god is watching over me sometimes, I know my temper wouldn't last the distance with that bitch. Its sooner or later I finally explode again, the consequences would be dire.

I love my birthday this year it was simple but worth remembering. Such occassions, it's always the thoughts, the people u spent it with and the efforts that counts. Still there were afew people I'm really disappointed with, these are the very few of those whom I thought were the closer ones to me and yet somehow they didn't even wish me happy birthday, some only did afew days later. On the positive note, words can't express how much I appreciate the effort placed in on Saturday.

It's been really quite afew years since I last heard a birthday song meant for me, and it's sang so loud it got a little embarassing at times. Been ages too since I last had a proper birthday cake, u know these little things mean alot to me. That was also the first time these guys actually celebrate a birthday for me after 4 years! Damn what took them so long haha but it's really worth the wait actually. It's such things that makes u appreciate people more, I'm an appreciative person even though at times I may not say much.

And so June passes just like that, 1/2 a year is gone. July's gonna be quiet, time to focus on the important issues and stop wasting time having fun out there. I really have too little time to spare and too much to accomplish. I've been thinking hard, whether I should just change my msn address for once and for all. I'm sick of having so many people I seldom chat with in my list and yet u know some of them u just can't erase, it's either old friends or those that u know u will have to contact them in future maybe. Whatever it is, those who found themselves in my new list are those I feel worthly of having the tag 'friend' in my dictionary. Those whom I left out? Well sorry I can't please everyone, how I treat u is also how u treat me.

August has to come fast, I'm awaiting my Bangkok trip. A much needed holiday break, I'm so sick of Singapore!

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They made my day, like totally!
posted by mango at 7:45 PM 0 Bitchings


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