Nonchalant

Little wonder they say doing IHP project is a very sian process. I thought i had a brief idea of how sian its gonna be but how wrong i was. It is not sian actually....its dreadfully SIAN!!

I got a taste of it today for the first time, and in this process of complete boredroom i'm here blogging about it. First time i actually blogged in school but i have every reason to, especially when i have to spend 8 hours here doing next to nothing. Well actually i did some stuffs but i don't think i needed 8 hours to finish them all! A look around me in the room and i see all my fellow suffering souls with the i-want-to-go-home look on their faces. Most were playing games, some surfing websites and some disappeared like a ghost suddenly. I regretted logging in so late today which means i have to stay right here until 5.54pm!! I can't use msn in this damn room either, for god knows what problem is there with the connection. Arghhh HELP!!!

Final destination 3 is a predictable and lame show as i found out yesterday when i catch it with the guys. Definitely not worth my $7 as the plot and everything was the same as the previous ones. My mind is still preoccupied by what happened yesterday outside cineleisure just before we caught the show. I lit a cigarette and after a puff or 2 i found my chest hurting badly, an on-off sort of pain. I felt like throwing up as well even though i don't remember over eating during dinner. Ramen with teriyaki chicken at Sakae sushi isn't alot i guess. Suddenly i felt scared, i pass the cigarette to Irwan immediately and went down to withdraw cash and try throwing up in the toilet but to no avail. The first thoughts that came to my mind was i'd contracted some awful disease and all those nagging from my parents about smoking is coming to haunt me. Being an imaginative person i can't help but fill my mind with all sorts of ridiculous thoughts and assumptions.

I struggled my way up to the cinema and it was only halfway through the show that i felt better. Quitting the habit did cross my mind many times before and in fact i've attempted it before although the habit kick in again after afew months. I think i'm those who need a strong motivation or an inspiring figure to help me in such siutations. Love and romance would do fine but i'm not saying i'm dependent on it but rather i'm just saying having someone or something to motivate me would tighten the knot.

I look back at the time i touched my first cigarette on a sunny afternoon in bukit gombak just before school begin during secondary 2 in 1997. Back then cigarettes were so cheap that the prices currently would seem insane to everyone back in 1997. $2.20 for a small packet and $5.60 for a big packet. I din't suggest or wanted to smoke, it was my classmate who taught me how to smoke and gave me my first puff. I remember vividly coughing very loudly after my first puff in the staircase landing of a hdb flat. Why do i smoke? For the thrill, for being in a gang and wanting to it for whatever reasons i myself isn't sure as well.

Being myself, i don't regret it because i've never had any regrets in life no matter what. Maybe i'd have one in future but i'm those who believe that regrets will only slow down and hinder one's progress. Regrets makes people look back at the past instead of looking ahead which is what life is all about. Death is a package that comes with life and even though i feel afraid after what happened yesterday i know its not possible to quit immediately.

Wow...finished the blog entry and its 5.30 now that means its only 20more minutes before i can log off and get my ass home! Blogging is a solution to boredroom afterall!