Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Disaster but not the end of the world
Devasted. I feel totally ashamed of myself that i've been such a let down. I had barely 3 hours of sleep as i had a terrible nightmare about being disqualified from the test. Woke up at 6am and dragged myself to shower and rush down to the centre. There were 11 others there and most had the word 'renewed' stamped on their PDL meaning this was at least their 2nd attempt.
I felt very nervous and got myself a cup of tea but it din't offer much help. During the warm up, i was so anxious and nervous that i actually drove on a WRONG LANE!! What the hell!? This had never happened before and i din't even realized it. Towards the end of the warm up i did calm down much more and my instructor was very encouraging as well. While waiting for my test route, i kept going to the toilet to slap myself awake and to 'fired' up myself. I got one of the easiest test routes after the drawing of lots.
Wierd enough, wasn't nervous a bit the moment i stepped into the car. In fact i was very focused on what i had to do and was very calm. Like the majority, i flunked the whole test on public road and not in circuit. The reasons were controversial and seem ridiculous to me. I was very dead sure i'm going to pass when i'm driving back to the centre after the test. I felt i drove very safe and well.
Alas he dropped a fucking bombshell on me in the room, saying i drove too slow!!! My mind went blank, i felt like crying, i felt like punching the fuck out of him. I just couldn't believe it. I asked...."what?!". And he repeated "u were too slow when moving off as well as when moving along with the traffic flow". It was ridiculous.......I drove within the speed limit everytime, 50 - 55 on 50km roads and 75 - 80 on 70km roads! I asked him aboout it and he said: "yes u drove within the speed limit and correct speed but there were vehicles behind u meaning u were too slow!". I shot back saying "so u mean i was suppose to speed just because they were speeding?" He replied me with a shurg on his shoulder and those blur face look. I felt even more like punching him at that moment. Well can someone tell me if im suppose to drive beyond the speed limit of the road just to merge with the traffic flow? isn't that breaking the laws? Damn!
He added afterwards that i was very good with saftey precautions such as blind spots etc and in fact i got 0 points for those stuffs but i simple drove too slow. Thats why i fail. I look at the score card and it was unbelievable. For one item i got at least 3 ticks and they were all 2 or 4 points stuffs! 2 x 4 = 8.... 4 x 3 = 12....
I left the centre in a daze and the first thing i did was to open my cell phone and told darling about it. She din't seem to believe me at 1st but did so later on.
There goes my car, and now i fucking have to wait until june 22 for my retest and that is 2 fucking months and 60 fucking days away! And it is a world cup month and it clashes with my FYP project! Well what to do i can only pray that people cancel their slot so i can jump queue again. I felt so miserable the whole day i simply wish to bury myself under my bed for good. I din't expect to fail, not at all, not before the test, not during the test and certainly not after the test as well!! I drove accordinly to common sense, that is to drive saftey and carefully. But it seem those fucking testers had other ideas.....I think owen who fail under similiar circumstances will know what it feels like. SIGH!!!
Its not all gloom and doom though, i've never been known as someone who gives up the race halfway. I will try again, i will fight and get what i richly deserve. I'm just so disappointed that i can't buy the car next month now. On the other hand, words can't describe how lucky i am to have an understanding gf. I merely text darling accordinly to what i feel, saying i wish i could see her this very moment and she replied me that if that was the case she would come right now. I got a shock seeing the reply, because she was at work and how could she probably come out to see me?! As shock as i was, i felt very touched and appreciate that she was trying very hard to be there for me when i needed her so badly. We ended up having coffee and chatting away at coffee bean. I feel loved and i feel so much better after seeing her although my facial reactions tells another story. But thats me, sometimes what i show on my face is not what i feel or think and vice versa.
Horrible wednesday, will never forget this test. I will never forget how i fucking fail it. I'm at a T-junction now, i could choose to let depression and disappointment get the better of me or choose to let them spur me on. I choose the 2nd option of course, i will always get what i want if i'm determined enough.
I need a big break tonight when i join the guys for Chris's birthday party. Been quite a while since the prom that i see them anyway.
Devasted. I feel totally ashamed of myself that i've been such a let down. I had barely 3 hours of sleep as i had a terrible nightmare about being disqualified from the test. Woke up at 6am and dragged myself to shower and rush down to the centre. There were 11 others there and most had the word 'renewed' stamped on their PDL meaning this was at least their 2nd attempt.
I felt very nervous and got myself a cup of tea but it din't offer much help. During the warm up, i was so anxious and nervous that i actually drove on a WRONG LANE!! What the hell!? This had never happened before and i din't even realized it. Towards the end of the warm up i did calm down much more and my instructor was very encouraging as well. While waiting for my test route, i kept going to the toilet to slap myself awake and to 'fired' up myself. I got one of the easiest test routes after the drawing of lots.
Wierd enough, wasn't nervous a bit the moment i stepped into the car. In fact i was very focused on what i had to do and was very calm. Like the majority, i flunked the whole test on public road and not in circuit. The reasons were controversial and seem ridiculous to me. I was very dead sure i'm going to pass when i'm driving back to the centre after the test. I felt i drove very safe and well.
Alas he dropped a fucking bombshell on me in the room, saying i drove too slow!!! My mind went blank, i felt like crying, i felt like punching the fuck out of him. I just couldn't believe it. I asked...."what?!". And he repeated "u were too slow when moving off as well as when moving along with the traffic flow". It was ridiculous.......I drove within the speed limit everytime, 50 - 55 on 50km roads and 75 - 80 on 70km roads! I asked him aboout it and he said: "yes u drove within the speed limit and correct speed but there were vehicles behind u meaning u were too slow!". I shot back saying "so u mean i was suppose to speed just because they were speeding?" He replied me with a shurg on his shoulder and those blur face look. I felt even more like punching him at that moment. Well can someone tell me if im suppose to drive beyond the speed limit of the road just to merge with the traffic flow? isn't that breaking the laws? Damn!
He added afterwards that i was very good with saftey precautions such as blind spots etc and in fact i got 0 points for those stuffs but i simple drove too slow. Thats why i fail. I look at the score card and it was unbelievable. For one item i got at least 3 ticks and they were all 2 or 4 points stuffs! 2 x 4 = 8.... 4 x 3 = 12....
I left the centre in a daze and the first thing i did was to open my cell phone and told darling about it. She din't seem to believe me at 1st but did so later on.
There goes my car, and now i fucking have to wait until june 22 for my retest and that is 2 fucking months and 60 fucking days away! And it is a world cup month and it clashes with my FYP project! Well what to do i can only pray that people cancel their slot so i can jump queue again. I felt so miserable the whole day i simply wish to bury myself under my bed for good. I din't expect to fail, not at all, not before the test, not during the test and certainly not after the test as well!! I drove accordinly to common sense, that is to drive saftey and carefully. But it seem those fucking testers had other ideas.....I think owen who fail under similiar circumstances will know what it feels like. SIGH!!!
Its not all gloom and doom though, i've never been known as someone who gives up the race halfway. I will try again, i will fight and get what i richly deserve. I'm just so disappointed that i can't buy the car next month now. On the other hand, words can't describe how lucky i am to have an understanding gf. I merely text darling accordinly to what i feel, saying i wish i could see her this very moment and she replied me that if that was the case she would come right now. I got a shock seeing the reply, because she was at work and how could she probably come out to see me?! As shock as i was, i felt very touched and appreciate that she was trying very hard to be there for me when i needed her so badly. We ended up having coffee and chatting away at coffee bean. I feel loved and i feel so much better after seeing her although my facial reactions tells another story. But thats me, sometimes what i show on my face is not what i feel or think and vice versa.
Horrible wednesday, will never forget this test. I will never forget how i fucking fail it. I'm at a T-junction now, i could choose to let depression and disappointment get the better of me or choose to let them spur me on. I choose the 2nd option of course, i will always get what i want if i'm determined enough.
I need a big break tonight when i join the guys for Chris's birthday party. Been quite a while since the prom that i see them anyway.
posted by mango at 2:23 PM
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