The burden of expectations

I'm feeling rather stumped. By rights i should be happy, excited and nervous. Its not like i haven a reason to be, i've lots of them. I've found my other half, we've planned afew things to look forward to, i've got a bloody TP test tomorrow morning, i'm finally getting my own bloody car and so much more. But heck i'm not feeling as happy as i would like to be, i din't want to keep this in silence as well. I'm contended with my life as it is now but i still feel unease, i think it's got alot to do with expectations.

I believe disappointments comes with expectations. If one has expectations, one will always experience disappointments.

Am i a good lover? This one's for people to decide but i firmly believe i'm not that a bad one. I've always had compliments from people. Well the problem with me is that little things means a hell lot to me, i'd get back to what kind of little things and i expect a fair share of appreciation when in love, both in words and actions.

I would like to agree with the phrase that we should give without expecting anything in return but i'd be lying to myself if i say i fully agree with that phrase. I'm not a lover who ask for the sky but i'm a lover who loves getting appreciation and regconition for the things i do and give. Which person wouldn't love that anyway?

Well, above all what gives me the ultimate satisfication is the feeling of being loved and that my other half's proud to have me as her partner. I don't mean of course that i expect my partner to place a big ad in the papers to announce that i'm her bf and how much she love me. That wouldn't make sense. I just wish to feel so, to feel secured and appreciated in both words and actions. And this is where the little things comes in. I once told my beloved that i din't relish the word 'him' being used to describe me in her blog. Well my reason is that him doesnt sounds that nice does it? Why not something like 'my dear'....'my darling'...'my sweetheart'.....or even 'my bf' sounds so many times better. Having said so, im aware that u know.....different people do have different thinking and well that was just my personal thoughts. Little things like how often darling mentions me to anyone, anywhere, be it blogs, friends, friendster or whatever, it does makes me feel i'm of utmost importance to her and that we belong to each other and no one else. For me, thats' also a sense of security.

Expectations does brings disappointments. When we expect something, the chances of it not occuring is always higher to that of it happening. It may sounds ridiculous but its true and sometimes we're not even aware of it.

I'm simply a greedy lover, when i'm fully committed i belong to no one else but my partner and i expect more or less the same from her as well. This is like saying i want her all to myself, its not being possessive, i don't like being tied down much less tie someone i love down. Right now, i do feel that she doesnt belongs fully to me, it does affect me a great deal but i'm aware though that time is an essential factor. Its not everyday i meet someone i truly love, someone i can proudly call the my other half. It would be the stupid and incongruous if i ever gave up half-way. Patience is a toture but its fruits tastes heavenly-like...

Much as we try not to have any expectations in life, somehow everyone of us will have them. Having no expectations is aliken to having no goals and no motivation at all in life. Its like a robot needing people to make decisions for u. And i know that if we can't even decide something on our own, not even heaven could help us decide it.

People often ask the question..."whats so good about him/her"? I would like to answer this today, i dunno whats so good about my darling but i would love to spend my entire life trying to find out. Its not my world anymore, rather its our world.

I'm not blessed with perfection or anywhere near it so i'm just thankful heaven gave me a gift nicely wrapped up and leaving it all up to me to cherish it.

I love u darling, u make me feel whole....promise me we'd not give up on each other...promises are not meant to be broken either...

Good luck to my TP tml, for christ's sake its a fucking 7.25am session and the traffic's dead sure to be crazy! pray i pass it and wont have to drive illegally anymore!