The dust have settled

"its beta that u should leave far away from mi"
"i jus think i not a good gf"
"i am indeed selfish and useless"

"ur a very gd gf but because ur mind is confused and your heart is half empty"

"im willing to stick by u"
"stand by u"
"even if it means being hurt i will bear with it"
"but if u insist that i leave u alone"
"then i wont force u"

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"I DUN WAN TO HURT U ANYMORE"
"if i am in yr shoes i believe i will be sad waiting"

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"go for ms nice girl than being with a sty and sux person like mi"
"each time u treated mi like a princess.. each time u are so nice... i keep blaming myself "

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"from now on.. i will be back to my life like i haven met u.."

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"are we stil frens?"
"will u confide in me?"
"why not?"
"=D"

Officially over, ended. A new chapter opens in our lives. Despite saying that, i'm still blue, i'm still sad and i still can't believe how we ended up this way. Am i really Mr Nice Guy? I don't think i am in the first place and now i think mr nice guys always suffer. Maybe i should be mr bad boy instead.

I still miss her now and then, the dinners we had every evening, the way we like to bricker with each other, that night at MOS, the way she falls asleep on my shoulders often, the way she smells me and says i smell good.....things like that. I'm juz glad we din't have to make things worse by ending on a sour note. I'm juz glad i could still talk to her and so on. U just have to be grateful to the little things in life sometimes.

I'm done with relationships for now, i don't see the point of getting into another when i've basically little or no faith left. Whenever i see friends of mine being so loving with their partners i feel a sense of grief and regret. Whenever i see couples holding on to each other dispite going through rough and testing times, i would feel even regretful and medicore. But then i never know do i? I never know if one day i met someone that my heart can't resist. I never know if one day we rekindle our love? I never know if one day i actually turn gay? Life throws up the most unexpected siutations as always.

Friends often like to say: "u can always find someone better". But in truth, thats a very lousy way to console someone. Saying is always easy but when u love someone so much its not easy to replace him/her in your heart. Whats more finding? Why bother to find a special fish in the entire ocean? If its fated to come to u then it will, if not even if u spend your entire life searching for it u'd never find it.

When i wake up tomorrow it will be a new day but some things will always stay in my heart. I'm neither sinking into despression nor trying to be a sadist, but my life suddenly became black and white again. I just hope she'd stop blaming herself, i just hope she'd stop feeling its her fault because nobody was at fault. I choosed to love an imperfect person, i choose to love a person willingly despite knowing her heart doesn't only consists of me. Maybe she'd forget me easily, maybe i wouldn't be missed, but u love a person without regrets and thats what i did. Thats the consolation i could take from everything. As a friend, the last thing i want to see is to see her suffering. I'd say the same to any of my friends as well.

All i could do now is to pick myself up, focus on my priorities, keep the sadness, hope for the best, allow time to heal the wounds inside me and get on with my life - starting from tomorrow.