Jokes Jokes Jokes

Joke 1 (GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS)
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


Joke 2 (Mum & Son)
A mother found her son scooping ice cream in the kitchen and was mad.
Mom: "Dinner is going to be ready in an hour, put that ice cream away and go play."

Son: "But mom, there's no one to play with."

Mom: "I'll play with you, what do you wanna play?"

Son: "Lets play mommy and daddy; you go upstairs and lay down on the bed."

The mom said ok and went upstairs. The son put on his dad's fishing hat and lit up one of his dad's cigarettes. He went upstairs and opened the door.

Mom: "Now what do I do?"

Son: "Get your ass out of bed, you whore, and fix that kid some fucking ice cream."


Joke 3
It's Friday morning and it’s time for some English language refresher. How to explain the difference between the two?

Youngest Son: "Tell me Daddy, what is the difference between "Potentiality" and "reality"?"

Dad: "I will show you"

Dad turns to his wife and asks her: "Would you sleep with Robert Redford for 1 million dollars"?

Wife: "Yes of course! I would never waste such an opportunity"! Then Dad asks his daughter, if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 million dollars?

Daughter:" Wow! Yes! He is my fantasy!"

So Dad turns to his elder son and asks him: "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 million dollars"?

Elder Son: "Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 million Dollars! I would never hesitate!"

So the father turns back to his younger son saying:" You see son, "Potentially" we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but in "Reality" we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay.


Joke 4