I can't recognize myself

7.29am, I should be in dreamland sleeping away. But no, hell no. I'm wide awake, in a daze and feeling numb all over. I've juz finished another night of boozing, partying, and fooling around. I have been doing this for 2 consecutive days, friday and saturday. I think my body could take it no longer, my nose bleed suddenly, I felt weak. This isn't me. Have I lost it?

The past 2 days, I'd just fool around, boozing away with all kinds of drinks, and those that people offer me. Strangers to be exact. Well when people are high u would automatically become their friend isn't it. I came across all sorts of people as well, butches, lesbians, ah guas, gays, whores. For once I din't care who they were, I'd just fool around, till I'm satisfied. I'm not drunk, I wouldn't be typing this if I am.

What's happening to my life? Whats going on? Have I allowed stress and rejection to affect me this badly? I wanna dig a hole and bury myself, away from all these shits. I need warmt, a warm heart that would embrace me. I need love badly, I feel as if I've nothing at all at this moment. I'm toying with myself.

My birthday's in 3 days time, but i know very well it's gonna be the worst birthday ever in my 23 years of life. My life sucks badly!