I'm an Outcast

I woke up after more than 12 hours of sleep feeling like an outcast hereupon. Yes, for once in a long while, I finally got my much awaited and much needed sleep. Felt totally refreshed the moment I woke up. But heck I looked at the time and went "oh shit". 7pm I was supposed to be at Joey's place for her birthday party but I'm still wobbling around in bed. I checked my phone messages and miss-calls. There were alot about soccer bets and others but none from my classmates.

This is disappointing I thought, in the past at least someone will definitely ask me if we wanna meet up and go together, get presents, etc. But heck, not this time round. Tried texting elmo last night but not no reply from him as well. Actually I dint felt this way only now, in fact I felt green and disappointed when I saw the pictures from double O and zouk. Is someone talking crap behind me? Whatever.

Actually I could still have gone to the party in a cab but for a few reasons, I decided not to. Firstly I'd be damn late by the time I reach and that wouldn't be really nice, secondly I'd be going empty handed and that's not very nice either, thirdly I feel as if everyone hates me or something so I wouldn't want to see people who din't want to see me either. Maybe I'm having abit too much of a preoccupation but actions don't lie do they? I don't think my presence will make a difference anyway, I've never been missed do I?

My guess is its probably because of the previous post that I wrote about not wanting to join them for clubbing for 2 reasons one being I'm not feeling well and other being they've never make a point to be available when I need someoone going out with. I still stick by those words I said. But only now do I realized that I've indeed misquoted something to Joey about not remembering what I said. That was a big misunderstanding.

But what's said and done can't be turned around. If I'm an outcast now so be it, I'm just feeling guilty I can't attend the party. One reason I don't believe in best friends is siutations like this. Knowing myself, I may say something like "oh no big deal" but actually it does mean a big deal. But honestly what can I do?

I felt sick at the sight and thoughts of graduates attending the graduation cenemory tob collect their certificates. By rights I should be one of them but for 2 mistakes in the past some 3 years ago, I've had to have an extra semester and there goes my chance of ever attending such a cenemory, and attending one with people that I came into school with. It's a big deal to me. This is what I call lifetime acheivement and sweet memories.

Oh well..what a way to start my day. Luckily I've the world cup and projects to keep me occupied.