Such a letdown

My brother is freaking unreliable and fucking lifeless all he does is sit in front of the fucking com and waste his time away gaming. Had I not set the alarm myself he would have forgotten to woke me up at 3am and tomorrow I would have woken up with still 'alot' to do for my report. I would have been in deep shit! One day I'm going to uninstall and block the bloody game for good.

Just finished another chapter of the report and somehow I feel i needed to write this off my chest. It doesn't feels good, its bothering me whole day ever since afternoon. I realized I'm such a letdown, such a disappointment and 'bo sim' person sometimes. This afternoon, Jean said :

"if u going off..someone u tot is da closest to u..tot da bond btw u too is tight...didnt even bothre to come sending u off..not even a msg aft u told him dat its on sat...how u feel?"

I duno but after typing it she went off, I didn't had a chance to say anything. But in truth I didn't know what to say either. I just felt so guilty and bad from that moment onwards. In truth, I did thought of giving her something for her to bring over, a self designed photo in a frame or some wooly stuffs. But I didn't back my thoughts up with any actions. Be it lazinezz, projects or any other reasons, it still isn't a good excuse at all. I'm starting to wondering if I've changed, since when am I so 'bo sim'? Suddenly the thought that someone I confide in, someone I know would be around when I'm down is gone for 2 years or so is making regrets grow inside me.

Why couldn't I at least ask what time the flight is and take some time out of my work to see her off. The fact that Von make it there despite her dunno-how-busy schedule makes me feel even worse. I feel so disappointing that a bro-sis who's always supporting me when I'm down and understands me more than entirely everyone else did not get a send off from me.

Suddenly I miss the craps and nonsencial chats we had. Suddenly I start rolling back the years and miss the great times that the 3 of us, including Von spent together. I realized those were some of the happiest time I had in recent years. sigh...