This evening, as I was on my way out of the gym in the stadium, I walked past the stadium field. There was a youth game going on for some s-league youth teams I supposed. I stopped to catch the action for awhile. Immediately, I felt a sense of grief and regret deep inside me, the regret that my dream never came true.

My love and passion for soccer stretches back to 1990 when I was in primary 1. That was the time I begin watching my beloved Liverpool and fell in love with this game call soccer straight away. I started kicking my first ball in primary 4 and I vividly remembered my first real soccer match right up to this day.

It was a cold morning as it had rained cats and dogs the night before. I had no idea what I was even supposed to wear to the match. I knew nuts about soccer gears. Hence I digged up my dad's wardrobe and happened to find an oversized adidas retro jersey that belong to my uncle some 15 years ago at that time. I didn't have a pair of boots, hence I wore a ankle high white canvas shoe.

I remembered the game as well, I was playing as a defender. Well in Singapore, the malays always have the upper hand over team decisions and the chinese always end up playing in defence esp when u're still at primary or lower secondary sch level. Within 10mins or something, my yellow jersey had became brown, my white shoes had became black! Reason? The whole field was dead slippery and muddy and as I wasn't in proper boots, I kept slipping and falling down. Somehow I enjoyed the process but not my mum though, she got a shock when I came back covered with mud, head to toe. Not to mention that pair of shoes, she threw them away without even attempting to wash them.

That day was all it took to all but confirmed my love for the beautiful game - soccer. I started going for school soccer trainings, watch all sorts of soccer games or highlights, bought all sorts of magazines, stickers and basically everything that a child whose obsessed with a hobby would do. Most importantly, I habour hopes of becoming a professional footballer when I grew up.

I wasn't good enough to make it into my primary school team. But when I reached secondary school, my potential blossomed. I'm one of those whose size belies his ability. Im usually one of the smallest if not the smallest man on the pitch. But I more than make up for it by getting stuck into tackles and all sorts of physical challenges. I was playing guys 3 or 4 times older my age and size when I was in secondary 1. It certainly help matters as I got used to matching them physically.

I still wasn't that good technically but instead of working on it, I choosed the wrong path in secondary 2 and threw away everything with my bare hands. I choosed to mix with the wrong company, waste my time away and more importantly killed off my stamina by smoking vigoriously. When I finally reached my peak some 3 years later, what I had gained in technical ability and skills were all demolished by my lack of physical stamina. Though I did represented my school once, I never gathered enough courage to went for a trial at a professional s-league club.

That decision still haunts me right until today. I may not make it overseas but at least I would have fufilled my dream of being a professional player. It wasn't for the glamour or money, its for the passion. When Im on the field playing, I'm at my happiest mood. I realized that playing soccer allows me to express myself freely and totally. I'm a totally different person on and off the pitch. Off it, Im usually quiet and reserved but once on it, I'm always shouting and screaming for the ball, lecturing people and in short, I'm loud.

What I saw this evening could have been me, it could have been me playing. Football is afterall, the best job in the world if u do make it to europe. What else could be better than playing soccer everyday and getting thousands of pounds every week?

I really love football, its in my blood and it will always be. Football is in fact an estacy that is better than sex.

Thank god its Friday tomorrow

I was the first to reach home this afternoon and only then did I notice that my home is different nowadays. There isn't a single soul at home everyday until evening. Dad's working, Mom's working, Brother & Sister are working, and I'm in office/camp. How different it is compared to afew months ago. These days, there's even a pattern as to who reaches home 1st. Haha I actually find it amusing and wierd.


This is how I look like in uniform

SAF have responded to my complaint mail as well as my Dad's complaint call. The case's being investigated so well I guess sooner or later I'd be called upon to have my statement taken. I dread to go through all these troubles but then I'm not going to let her get away with it. Like I say, so what if ur a fucking high ranking officer? That doesn't gives u the rights to abuse ur authority! Fuck u biatch!

I once told my friends that once I enter the army, there wil be chaos and true to my word, it did happen although I didn't meant for it to happen at all. I mean, a dog wouldn't bite unless provoked isn't it?

Then again, I'd like to believe what one of my mates say about not having encountered such a rebellious and daring recruit. Yes, chao recruit I am but I won't lie down and get stampled all over. Yeah I do know that not everything's gonna go my way because this is the Army but that doesn't mean human rights is non existent.

Thankfully though, my colleagues are really nice and helpful peeps, always making me feel at ease. Having said that, I've got a feeling that either one of us would be posted out or something. I just can't work with someone I don't see eye to eye with, having office war everyday isn't fun either.

Anyway I'm glad its Friday tomorrow, looking forward to gathering with T13 @ Kylie's birthday chalet on Saturday. Been a long time we actually gathered and meet up.

And here are some of the pictures taken at Tertiary Fling 4 party @ Mos 2 weeks ago.




my eye's swollen? =/


kate aka saltfish & me...muhaha blue saltfish!


A logo for my ambassador group that I designed.

This is sad

I find it really sad that time and time again there are people out there who simply have no life and have to resort to doing such pointless and yet amusing stuffs.



Its the same as this......

I use the nick "Apple" and typed: "hey mango ure so handsome i fall head and heels over u!"

2 Mins later I used the nick "Orange" and typed: "U think u're cool? ur fugging ugly, mango!"

2 Mins later I used the nick "Banana" and type: "yeah man ur so ugly and still think u look gd"

Hell, its like talking to oneself, its' no different to playing with yourself. And for christ's sake pls do look at the time in between each post, even an idiot could tell its the same person.

Impersonate me? Well sadly, he couldn't impersonate my decent English and gave himself away like a burgler caught with his pants down.

Anyway this is the real me, just look at the difference in ip address.

Whatever doesn't breaks me...

....makes me stronger. I've heard this phrase so countless times and got motivated by it more than enough times, but this time I feel like I'm reaching that point of no return. There's only so much my ego, patience and dignity could tolerate. My patience is simply living on borrowed time!

Lets just say I've had a turbulent 4 days from Thursday right up to today (Sunday). Lets begin with Thursday, the Tertiary Fling 4 party @ MoS was 'as usual' in most aspect such as the queue la, the number of ppl puking, gotten too high and stuffs like that. I wouldn't term it as great, neither would I term it as a disaster. Its' pretty average to me. Thursday was also the first time I party with Jeremy and Lester, awhile at least haha. The only sour point of the night was when some shamless brat kept pouring my martel like it belongs to him!





Friday was a real disaster though. I seriously could stand that fucked up woosy no more, not only did she abused her authority by crumbling my MC, smashing my medicine onto the floor, huring things at me and threathening to hit me with a glass ruler. By all means, go ahead and hit me. I wished she did, that would have got her into even deeper shite!

It's a real shame that such a country like Singapore would allow the army to 'play by ranks'. Are they telling me that human rights do not exists in the army? Does being a high ranking officer gives u the authority to hurl objects, tear up MCs and threathen someone whose rank's lower than you?

My patience's really living on borrowed time, I've got no idea how long I'm able to tolerate all these shits.

If Friday was a black day, then Saturday was surely a red day. Reason being my beloved Liverpool finally beating the chelski shite in the league. The game and victory certainly made my day. It was just the tonic I needed to get Friday outta my mind. Darling and I cooked extra spicy black pepper steak for dinner as well. Just a simple dish but it was certainly spicy haha! Been a long time I had someone cooking, doing the dishes and going grocery shopping with me. What a warmth feeling :)





I learned that within a space of 24hrs, things could certainly change. Sunday came and suddenly the thoughts of tomorrow being an extremely-more-dreadful-than-ever Monday made me sick right in the stomach.

I have never dread going back there as much as I'm feeling right now. I have no idea how the hell I'm gonna react but one thing for sure I would wear a mask no more. Man, how much I dread today being Sunday!! If only everyday's a Friday or Saturday............uGhh!!


And this is my latest dish - Sunday Cheese Pasta! =p

Happy Weekend

Weekends and Fridays certainly makes me smile, at least for these 2 years. I finally got my hands on my precious Liverpool jersey! Got the name Daniel Agger and no.5 printed along with the badge with the entire package costing $125. I couldn't wait to wear it and keep insisting on changing into it and had it not been for darling I would have changed into it straight away in the shop after paying for it!

There's still a red liverpool adidas sweater I'm waiting to get my hands on!


I think I look better in it with more hair!

Then I finally got a new mouse as well, no accidental double clicks that can sometimes drive me nuts. I'm still trying to get used to this new Laser Logitech mouse but its certainly a welcome change.

Finally, though the exact date is the 15th which is tomorrow, we had to make changes to the plans as our tight schedule means we couldn't meet up tomorrow to celebrate our 1st month anniversary. Nevertheless we had a simple day out today but I'm contended.

I saw lots of stuffs that I'm dying to get my hands on, leather shoes, jeans, watches and stuffs. I can't wait for CNY to edge closer really, and all those shopping trips and spreees that comes with it!

When failure means feedback

There's always something or at least a factor that seperates the successful from others who simply failed to be what they aspire to be or acheive. I believe that crucial factor is the way we deal with failures. They say that the most successful people experiences the most failures. I see alot of truth in that. Afterall, a toddler/child have to fall many times before he eventually learns how to walk on his feets.

There are at least 3 ways in which people usually deal with failures.



Do u find your 'yes' often followed with a 'but'? Do u find yourself sometimes saying things like "I'm not good enough", "I don't have the luck", "It's just impossible", "I'm too fat", "I've tried it before, it just wouldn't work!"?

One of the most common thing people love to do when they don't get what they want is to cough up excuses, blame everyone and everything else but himself and then simply give up after feeling entirely helpless and frustrated. They either lack confidence, do not see the larger picture or ain't determined enough. They will resign themselves to their goal being out of reach and live a life of mediocrity.



Then there are those who have more determination than the first group and when they don't get what they want, they simply try again and again until they get it. Some succeed, others don't. Usually the ones who succeed are those whose goals ain't that big or exceptional.

It's good to think "I failed because I did not try hard enough" or "If i keep trying, I will eventually succeed". But it's not really the most ideal way of doing things. It's just like a salesperson who put in more energy and time each month and yet still fail to significantly increase their sales.

The problem probably doesn't lies with his determination, rather it lies with his way of doing things. They probably keep targeting the wrong customers, selling the same products and making similiar and ineffective presentations. Pretty soon they start becoming disillusioned thinking that their hardwork isn't paying off and quit eventually.

Ever came across people who say things like "I've bla bla bla years of experience, so don't tell me what to do".



So what's the pattern that all successful individuals exhibit? Well when they fail or don't succeed, they don't think of it as a failure. Instead, they simply perceive it as feedback. Feedback on where they went wrong or what needed to be done or feedback that the strategy they used was ineffective. They then use this feedback to immediately change their strategy and take action again.

If they stil don't succeed, they willl get more feedback, change their strategy and take action again. In other words, they keep repeating this action and do whatever it takes to get what they want.

It's probably a tiring process with lots of efforts and hardwork but if we couldn't make scarifices and isn't willing to go an extra mine, then we will never succeed. If a property agent wants to make more profits and sales, then he/she must be prepared to work late into nights, or even give up his/her weekends just to make it happen isn't it?

This is also probably why many times we see the so call 'smart kids' who always score well and high marks in school getting lesser paid jobs than the 'quiet and dumb' kid.

It's not how good your grades are or how wealthy a family ur borned in, it's about how we perceive failure.

I've got a perfect example here:

"Quite sometime ago, I failed over 8 consecutive advance theory driving test in a row. It's naturally embarassing and I got disgusted with myself. I took the first 3 or 4 tests after doing some self-studying on my own using the advance theory of driving handbook. By the 4th or 5th attempt, I got disgunted because I still keep failing even though I studied throughly the whole book.

So 1 day I decided to surf the net and found some old theory questions and decided to print them all out and took it as a mock test. I went for my next 2 or 3 tests and still failed.

Then I decided to enrol as a school candidate and went for mock theory tests practices and several 'practice tests' using the computers at the driving centre.

The next and very first attempt I took the test as a school candidate, I passed it at first attempt.

I looked back at the date I took my first every advance theory test and got a shock. I was more than a year. I had taken more than a year to pass a freaking advance theory test!

But it doesn't matters now coz I'm a qualified driver, does it?"

Be Inspired

Here's a story that will probably inspire many of us. Its' probably one of the best examples of how 'doing whatever it takes will get you what u want'.

At his peak, Sylvester Stallone (hollywood actor) was one of the most popular and highly paid stars in hollywood, commanding a fee of US$20 million per movie. Was he borned under a lucky star? Was he a naturally gifted and talented actor? Was he at the right place at the right time?

Hardly.

He was someone who seemed to have all the odds stacked up against him.

His family was so poor that his mother gave birth to him on the doorsteps of a school. A blotched delivery by students caused a facial nerve to be severed, leaving him paralyzed on the right side of his face.

As a result, Stallone had to live the rest of his life with slurred speech. He even had to deal with having a drooping lower lip and being made fun of because of his name 'Sylvester' (associated with the looney tunes cat). Despite all these limitations, young Stallone dreamed of becoming an actor and inspiring millions of people through his movies.

First, he enrolled in acting schools and then started going for auditions. Predictably, with his wooden acting, his dopey looks and slurred speech, Stallone was rejected for every part he applied for. But he never gave up. Doggedly, he just kept changing his strategy and taking action.

The way he landed his first part is a fine example of how he was willing to do whatever it takes.

When he was rejected after yet another audition one day, he pulled up a chair in front of the manager's office and sat down, refusing to leave unless they gave him a chance. After sitting there for hours, the directors were so moved by how much he wanted a chance that they relented and eventually gave him a part.

Although he appeared just for a couple of minutes(as an extra), it gave im that first breakthrough he was after.

Unfortunately, that experience was followed by yet another string of unsuccessful attempts at getting another acting job. At that point, his wife told him to give up his 'stupid dream' and get a real job'. His reply was, "If i get another job, I would lose the only thing I have got going for me....my hunger". "By quitting my quest and getting a job, I would be selling out on my dream."

"Stallone was once so broke and desperate to survive that he was forced to sell his dog for $50. It was his saddest moment in his life because his dog was the one friend that he had left with"

At the lowest point of his life, he watched a boxing match between then world heavyweight champion Muhammed Ali and Chuck Wepner, an underdog that everyone thought would be defeated within 3 rounds.

What no one else expected was Wepners's determination and tenacity. He lasted a total of 15 rounds with Ali, refusing to go down.

Slyvester was so inspired by what he saw that he had visions in his head about a movie that he was going to write. He started writing profuesly for 84 hours non-stop until he finished the manuscript for 'Rocky' the movie.

He was so excited by the script because in his mind he knew this was going to be the movie that would change his life and fortune.

But when he went around attempting to sell his script, everyone felt that it was too predictable and that nobody would be interested in watching a movie about boxing. But he didn't give up. He kept on going and going until one company made him an offer of US$75,000 for the script and the rights to make the movie.

This should have made Slyvester overjoyed but his dream was to be an actor, not a writer. So he told them that the condition of the sale was that he were to be cast as the main actor. They objected instantly, saying, "You're a writer, not an actor and there's no way we will let u act!".

But Slyvester stood his ground and refused to sell the script if he wasn't the lead actor. They then increased their offer to US$250,000 up to US1 million, but Slyvester kept insisting that he fitted the role of 'Rocky' and no one else. Although he was broke and hungry, he refused to sell out his dream for a 6-figure pay check. That was his level of commitment!

Eventually, they reluctantly agreed, on the condition that the movie be made on a shoe string budget of less than a million dollars and Stallone would get only US$35,000 for the writing and acting. Slyvester would however, get a percentage of the profits if the movie made money. He agreed immediately.

The first thing Slyvester did when he got the money was to go in search of the man who bought his dog to buy he back. When he finally tracked down the man, he offered to buy his dog back for US$100. The man declined his offer, saying that he was not interested. Slyvester upped his offer to US$500. Still, the man refused. He again upped his offer, this time to US$1000. The man still would not budge saying, "No amount of money will ever convince me to sell this dog".

While most of us would give up at this point, Slyvester knew that if he was committed to do whatever it takes, he would find a way. Eventually he did get his dog back. He paid the man a whopping US$15,000 and also gave him a part in the movie as part of the deal.

When 'Rocky' was launched at the box office, it grossed over US$171 million and was nominated for ten academy awards (including best actor), eventually winning an Oscar for Best Picture & Best Director. Slyvester instantly shot to fame as an action star and lucrative offers came in thick and fast for future blockbusters, which were to eventuate in First Blood, Rambo & other Rocky sequels.

His eventual success came from the fact that to him, becoming an actor was truly a MUST. Be believed that when u're committed enough, there's always a way.

When I was young, I wanted the all toy figurines that were advertised on TV that I could lay my hands on. As I grew older, I wanted those playstation or video games. Right now, I want a BMW by the age of 28. I think most of us have already realized that changes are all around. As we age older, our thinking change although there would be afew exceptions.

For better or worse then? I believe changes in our thinking is like a bottle of red wine, the older it is, the better it tastes.

Why is it then that when people do change, it isn't for the better all the time? A close friend suddenly becomes a mere acquaintance. It's disappointing and hard to take but yet at the same time it's kind of a reality. They say things happen for a reason, but definitely not changes. Some things changes for no or unexplainable reasons.

People just can't remain the same all the time, can they?

Thank god it's Friday! It's a funny Friday as well, at least to me it is.

This afternoon after my medical appointment, I was taking a train back to camp and what I saw while waiting for the train almost make me threw up everything I'd just eaten moments ago.

There were 2 girls dressed like some taiwanese/japanese (eh I can't make up my mind either), wearing make up, eye linear, mascara, and all those stuff that girls use to doll themselves. They had permed hair with highlights as well and they're both good looking in some way. Then there was a guy with them. He is ur typical teenager, u know those who hang out in shopping malls playing arcade or whatever. He was wearing some big t shirt and baggy jeans with sneakers and wasn't good looking in anyway, plump and wearing specs.

Initially I thought nothing of it like they were just friends. But the next moment, one of the girls kissed him and the sight of it really got my eye balls on the verge of popping out! WhAt ThE FuCk?! GF BF?! HUH?!

The train arrived and I happened to be in the same cabin as them. They were sitting down and I was standing up so I had a clear view to observe further. My observation conclusion confirmed that they were a couple. But the guy was like u know aware that people were staring at them or something because at one point the girl wanted to tug her arms around him, those couple style and he rejected her before eventually allowing her to held onto him. The words shy and nervous were written all over his face. I find it hard to digest the food in my stomach. I wasn't the only one who was in a state of shock, I could see other passengers looking at them in shock as well!

Why on earth would a good looking, matured girl be with a plain plump and kiddish looking guy? I once wrote about good looking girls having ugly bfs and vice versa. This is a classic example isn't it?

I'm not jealous or sour but I find it ridiculous! Love is blind probably :D

That wasn't the end of it, when I got home and surf my blog, what I saw on my tagboard made me laugh. Again, I once talked about Computer Superheroes didn't I? For those who want more info on it, click here.

I will leave u guys to check my tagboard and look at the picture below. A picture says a thousand words. LOL



Another classic example of an internet prick, unfortunately he's forgotten that there's this thing call IP address tracker.

Some Friday it is, heh!

Totally FUCKED UP Day!

Just when I thought NS couldn't be anymore worse, it actually got worse! Just when I dread going back to camp this morning, everything turned out to be like a scene from a nightmare.

I reached the air base at 7.45 as usual this morning but today there was an unexpected long queue in the pass office and as if that wasn't enough, the bloody people in charge were taking their bloody sweet time to issue security passes. One of them was even eating a fruit and taking all the time in the world just to issue the already long and impatient queue a pass to enter the camp. By the time I got my pass it was like 8.15 and I was supposed to be up in my office by 8am. From increasing my walking paces to runniing, suddenly my phone rang. I saw the number and instantly regconize it as the office number of my commanding officer (CO).

As the phone was something of a 6 or 7 year old faulty 8250, I simply picked up and said something like "I'm on my way, will reach in 10" and that was just all about it. When I reached the bloody office, I was panting and sweating like I've just completed some marathon. I looked into her office and gave her a "I'm here" look before hurrying off to complete what I was supposed to do every morning.

I didn't feel that a storm was just a stone's throw away to be honest. Then she called me in and I swear it sucks like having to eat rotten tomatoes when ur boss is a bloody woman - unreasonable woman!

The moment I walked in and sat down, she raised her usually 'extremely soft voice' to something like a 10/10 voice tone. She said something like I lacked dicipline and think this is some hotel or something, checking in at whatever time I feel like and not calling her to give any notice pior to that blah blah. I think there's more but these are what I remember the clearest.

Still panting and sweating from all the running, naturally those words and extremely fierce look didn't bode well with my snappish and hot head. I shot back, argued and fought for my own stand in a very loud, rude, and pissed off tone. I said it wasn't my fault because its not like I reached the office at 8 or something and was I even supposed to expcect that they messed up at the pass office? I knew very well she'd say something like: "no matter what its ur responsibility to bla bla bla", so I had in place this extremely nice sentence for her: "hey u know what? I don't give a damn about ranks in the army but I do give a damn about integrity and character".

Before she said anything out of her shell shocked face, I added fuel to the fire by saying: "And if u think ur gonna be unreasonable just because ur one of the high ranking officers, well.....(I showed her my middle finger without saying anything)".

She was taken back before flying into a rage, screaming for me to stand up and hurling all sorts of blah blah blah at me. Not like I took in any of those words anyway, I merely acted dumb. I added that yeah I'd be the first to admit something if its my fault and maybe in not copying down her number and thus being unable to inform her is my mistake, it wasn't like I took my own sweet time to walk here when I knew I was late after collecting my pass.

By now the room is like about to explode I swore. I knew I was walking on a thin line with my actions and words. It wasn't a wise thing to do I knew that fully well but I wasn't gonna let people walk all over me either. Screw the army!

Afterwards, everyone who heard or saw what happened told me that nobody in the department/building dared to even raise their voice when speaking to her let alone show her a middle finger. They were all like speechless and kept saying things like "wah lao u power la u, salute u bla bla". It's not like I'm trying to be a hero. There's no nice ending to trying to be a hero in the army. U've got to play it smart and act dumb sometimes but there are also times u've got to stand up for urself. If u don't, who is gonna stand up for u?

And my entire day turned rotten just like that. Things got slightly better towards the end of the day when everyone's cooled down. But just when I thought the worst was over, in came another fuck face idiot into the picture.

I was checking out of camp as usual through the security point, those that you place your bag and whatever you have through the sensor shite where they scan your stuff. I collected my bag without a hitch and just when I was about to step out to add some colors to an extremly blackish day, this 'obviously-trying-to-pick-on-me' fella stopped me, gave me the 'hi newbie' look just because I'm still a skinhead (botak) and demand to check my bag. Naturally he found my camera phone but I argued that I didn't use it and there wasn't even a sim card inside as i was using another phone. I said that I was gonna bring the phone for repairs/service later on as it's faulty which is true. But he'd have none of it and told someone to settle it.

My phone got confiscated just like that. Yeah I know camera phones are phobited from the camp but usually the checks are conducted in the morning when people are checking in isn't it? Why the hell would someone wanna conduct a check just when everyone's like getting out of camp? I swear after I wrote down my statement in the office, he gave me the 'serves u right newbie' look. I couldn't stand it any longer, I snapped and told him "hey don't be a smduge face mofo". I think he snapped too the moment he heard it. What followed was some shoving and pushing, the usual 'hand-bags' stuff when people sqaure up to one another. Other officers seperated us and luckily the rest were kinda nice and so the whole thing didn't last any longer than that.

The worst thing is that I couldn't even bring my bloody phone for repairs now and god knows how long they gonna take to return me? Alan said maybe after I ORD and i immediately told him off. Come on, why would they wanna keep a spoilt phone for 2 years until 2008? That was not going to happen, not when the phone belongs to someone called Floyd. Period!

Little wonder they say army life is a totally screwed up and fucked up life. So much truth in a short sentence yeah? I seriously dread going back to camp more than ever, starting from tomorrow........argh!