This evening, as I was on my way out of the gym in the stadium, I walked past the stadium field. There was a youth game going on for some s-league youth teams I supposed. I stopped to catch the action for awhile. Immediately, I felt a sense of grief and regret deep inside me, the regret that my dream never came true.

My love and passion for soccer stretches back to 1990 when I was in primary 1. That was the time I begin watching my beloved Liverpool and fell in love with this game call soccer straight away. I started kicking my first ball in primary 4 and I vividly remembered my first real soccer match right up to this day.

It was a cold morning as it had rained cats and dogs the night before. I had no idea what I was even supposed to wear to the match. I knew nuts about soccer gears. Hence I digged up my dad's wardrobe and happened to find an oversized adidas retro jersey that belong to my uncle some 15 years ago at that time. I didn't have a pair of boots, hence I wore a ankle high white canvas shoe.

I remembered the game as well, I was playing as a defender. Well in Singapore, the malays always have the upper hand over team decisions and the chinese always end up playing in defence esp when u're still at primary or lower secondary sch level. Within 10mins or something, my yellow jersey had became brown, my white shoes had became black! Reason? The whole field was dead slippery and muddy and as I wasn't in proper boots, I kept slipping and falling down. Somehow I enjoyed the process but not my mum though, she got a shock when I came back covered with mud, head to toe. Not to mention that pair of shoes, she threw them away without even attempting to wash them.

That day was all it took to all but confirmed my love for the beautiful game - soccer. I started going for school soccer trainings, watch all sorts of soccer games or highlights, bought all sorts of magazines, stickers and basically everything that a child whose obsessed with a hobby would do. Most importantly, I habour hopes of becoming a professional footballer when I grew up.

I wasn't good enough to make it into my primary school team. But when I reached secondary school, my potential blossomed. I'm one of those whose size belies his ability. Im usually one of the smallest if not the smallest man on the pitch. But I more than make up for it by getting stuck into tackles and all sorts of physical challenges. I was playing guys 3 or 4 times older my age and size when I was in secondary 1. It certainly help matters as I got used to matching them physically.

I still wasn't that good technically but instead of working on it, I choosed the wrong path in secondary 2 and threw away everything with my bare hands. I choosed to mix with the wrong company, waste my time away and more importantly killed off my stamina by smoking vigoriously. When I finally reached my peak some 3 years later, what I had gained in technical ability and skills were all demolished by my lack of physical stamina. Though I did represented my school once, I never gathered enough courage to went for a trial at a professional s-league club.

That decision still haunts me right until today. I may not make it overseas but at least I would have fufilled my dream of being a professional player. It wasn't for the glamour or money, its for the passion. When Im on the field playing, I'm at my happiest mood. I realized that playing soccer allows me to express myself freely and totally. I'm a totally different person on and off the pitch. Off it, Im usually quiet and reserved but once on it, I'm always shouting and screaming for the ball, lecturing people and in short, I'm loud.

What I saw this evening could have been me, it could have been me playing. Football is afterall, the best job in the world if u do make it to europe. What else could be better than playing soccer everyday and getting thousands of pounds every week?

I really love football, its in my blood and it will always be. Football is in fact an estacy that is better than sex.