I feel clearer

Force myself to sleep with the help of sleeping pills last night. Staying awake will simply drive my already overworked mind into insanity. I woke up at 5.10am, feeling fresher, having the urge to jog. I just don't wanna spend time sitting down in front of the computer and allow those intoxicated thoughts to run amok again. A glass of plain water later I'm down my block running into the morning. The threadmill in the gym aside, it's been quite sometime I went jogging down under my block. I feel my legs slowly tiring out the longer and faster I went. But it felt good, it felt good without having a second to think about anything. I just had to carry on running, and carry on I did for 3 big and long rounds around my neighbourhood.

The running did me the whole world of good. I feel calmer, I feel the depressing demons slowly vanishing. Thinking of it, I realize it must have been years, at least 3 years since I felt so depressed with my love life. Since the days of Jessie, I haven't been so miserable. But unlike the previous times, I don't see myself sinking deeper anymore. Much as I would sink, I would pull myself up. This is not the end of the world. As depressed as I am, I will be back after some time. I just need sometime alone and out. I don't need words of comfort or questions of my siutation. Not that I don't appreciate the kindess, just that it's tiring answering the same questions over and over again.

I feel like I'm going to go through another change again. A change of what I don't know, but I feel I've alot to prove to people. I feel so fired up inside despite all the sadness. At least I'm now heading to office in a much better state than last night.