Unsatisfied

I spent the past 1 week going through the motions of my life. I realized I've all but given up on love altogether. I no longer feel any urges to be in love and I no longer feel excited at the prospect of being in love. This is not just a temporaily or passing feeling. It's true, I've totally lost faith in it. It will take someone very special in future to regenerate me, to make me believe once again. I can say I feel so much happier without love all because of one reason - myself.

I won't say it's true and applies to everyone but reality is all about good looks, hard cash, credit cards, membership cards, fast cars, top jobs and big houses.

Having thought real hard for the past week, I'm clear all I want now is to up my own price tag, loving myself more than anything else even if I've to make selfish decisions. I'm hell bent on turning myself into someone different. I realized how fucking ugly I look, how unqualified a bachelor I am, how much I lack when it comes to material issues.


Images of myself....


Recent picture @ MoS

I've decided I'm going to change my physical appearance, I hate it everytime I look at my pictures and feel so unsatisfied with every of them. I'm not good looking enough, I wanna be even better looking. It's not that I think if I'm better looking girls will instantly come or something, rather its about the feeling good factor, loving myself.

Starting from braces and my eye surgery, I'm going to change my appearance. I may sound sad and sound even crazy to do such a thing. It may seem freakish but who cares, at the end of the day the one feeling happy and sad is me, nobody else but myself so if I feel this is good for me, why not?

I feel so much happier each day I spent thinking how I'm going to improve myself. Happy's the word, there's no subsitute for it. It's going to take at least 2 years and lots of pain, blood and scarifices but I'm all prepared, mentally and physically.