Saturday, July 21, 2007
A world full of unsaid words
Millions of unspoken thoughts, a world full of unsaid words. Why is it so difficult to translate thoughts into words? There are so much to be said and yet so much that can't be said sometimes. I lost count of the number of times where I wanted to say something and yet I know or rather I feel it shouldn't be said. There are many factors that contribute to this - fear, ego, timing, feelings, insecurity, situations, people, consequences, etc.
Why is it that the words that comes out of my mouth contradicts that of those in my mind? I see myself as a straightforward person who deson't beats about the brush but yet I also find myself bottling up more stuffs than I would like to. I'm really direct when it comes to opinionated issues but when it's about me, I tend to hold back my words.
As I turn the clock back, I realize there were so many occasions whereby if I had said what I actually felt in my mind, the situation or result would have been different. I don't like living on my past, I don't like being held back and so 'regret' have never existed in my dictionary. But honestly there were times I look back and think of all the 'what could have beens' and 'ifs'.
This is perhaps why I can't think of more than 3 people who can claim to know the real me and understand my mind. Being a person who doesn't reveals much of myself doesn't help matters as well. It is such a torture bottling things up but it's even more of a torture when people start assuming they know you when they don't at all.
There are many examples and one of the more common one is when people assume I've alot of friends because I'm a popular person. I don't understand the definition of 'popular' whereby human beings are concerned and I believe those who say such a thing didn't get the right definition of 'friend' as well. I do have alot of friends but how many can claim to be real friends? When I'm in deep shit, how many can claim to burrow a tunnel out for me? When I just need someone to talk to or go out with, how many would actually willingly step forward? There are certainly more excuses than people who step forward I can tell you.
Masks have become a formality to most people, it's so difficult to place your trust in someone, and even difficult to see through those masks.
Sometimes I feel like running away for good, this complicated place just doesn't suit me. I could live on a farm, a mountain, by the seaside, a rural village or anywhere where every corner smells of nature and peace. I wouldn't mind the hardship or simple life, I won't even need a computer in my life.
Unfortunately I was born in a dog eat dog world where "every man for himself" seem to be the motto. Hence in one of the survival kit, it is to learn how to blend in and so people seldom got to see the real me. It doesn't matter anyway, afterall I live in a world full of unsaid words.
Millions of unspoken thoughts, a world full of unsaid words. Why is it so difficult to translate thoughts into words? There are so much to be said and yet so much that can't be said sometimes. I lost count of the number of times where I wanted to say something and yet I know or rather I feel it shouldn't be said. There are many factors that contribute to this - fear, ego, timing, feelings, insecurity, situations, people, consequences, etc.
Why is it that the words that comes out of my mouth contradicts that of those in my mind? I see myself as a straightforward person who deson't beats about the brush but yet I also find myself bottling up more stuffs than I would like to. I'm really direct when it comes to opinionated issues but when it's about me, I tend to hold back my words.
As I turn the clock back, I realize there were so many occasions whereby if I had said what I actually felt in my mind, the situation or result would have been different. I don't like living on my past, I don't like being held back and so 'regret' have never existed in my dictionary. But honestly there were times I look back and think of all the 'what could have beens' and 'ifs'.
This is perhaps why I can't think of more than 3 people who can claim to know the real me and understand my mind. Being a person who doesn't reveals much of myself doesn't help matters as well. It is such a torture bottling things up but it's even more of a torture when people start assuming they know you when they don't at all.
There are many examples and one of the more common one is when people assume I've alot of friends because I'm a popular person. I don't understand the definition of 'popular' whereby human beings are concerned and I believe those who say such a thing didn't get the right definition of 'friend' as well. I do have alot of friends but how many can claim to be real friends? When I'm in deep shit, how many can claim to burrow a tunnel out for me? When I just need someone to talk to or go out with, how many would actually willingly step forward? There are certainly more excuses than people who step forward I can tell you.
Masks have become a formality to most people, it's so difficult to place your trust in someone, and even difficult to see through those masks.
Sometimes I feel like running away for good, this complicated place just doesn't suit me. I could live on a farm, a mountain, by the seaside, a rural village or anywhere where every corner smells of nature and peace. I wouldn't mind the hardship or simple life, I won't even need a computer in my life.
Unfortunately I was born in a dog eat dog world where "every man for himself" seem to be the motto. Hence in one of the survival kit, it is to learn how to blend in and so people seldom got to see the real me. It doesn't matter anyway, afterall I live in a world full of unsaid words.
posted by mango at 1:23 AM
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