I hate losing

Today is a day to forget. It is not funny going all the way from Boon Lay to Tampines to play a friendly match only to end up playing absolute rubbish and capped it all by scoring an own goal to give the other team a 2-0 win. It was a totally disastrous performance beyond imagination!

I don't mind travelling to anywhere no matter how far it is just to play soccer but I just cannot stand losing, especially losing in such a manner. I'm my biggest critic and I just cannot understand why I played so badly today. I probably look like some headless chicken or duck running around on the field. I just cannot explain why I seem to lack something whenever I play a big friendly match. I seem to lack passion and anger when I play. I'm those who probably need to be very pissed off or fired up to perform very well. And throughout the whole game I can't seem to get fired up until the game ended.

To add salt to the wound, we lost the game against a bunch of unsporting indians more interested in fighting than playing soccer. Towards the end of the game and when the game ended there were so many ugly scenes, punches being thrown, kicks being swung wildly and it was so chaotic. And now that the game is over I can't do anything and that is the worst thing about it, I wish the next game was tomorrow. I'm so damn desperate to make amends and it's gonna be a toturous 6 or 7 days to the next game or training session! AgrhHH!

I'm so disappointed in myself. Once upon a time, clocking 12 or 11 seconds over a 100 metres was peanuts, so was running the 2.4km in 11minutes. But nowadays I seem to have slow down a yard or 2. It's not like I'm 34, I'm only 24 and supposed to peak soon. I vow to seriously cut down on cigarettes and push myself to the limit. People may say I'm probably nuts and crazy to take things so seriously but thats my passion for soccer and my character in its true colors. I hate losing, I must supass the expectations I set for myself. I let people down today but I vow it will never happen again. It must never happen again, I must buck up!

The journey from Tampines to Boon Lay seem like forever, I couldn't even think of anything or get a short nap. It was only until the last few stops to Boon Lay where a Mum and her daughter board the train that my mood lighten up. The daughter was extremely cute and intelligent. I really love observing kids especially how parents communicate and play with them. It's such a warm feeling and that's probably the only thing that is warm today on otherwise a cold and rainy evening.