For fun or for the sake of addiction?

Not that long ago, a friend of mine won over SGD$2000 in a single night of soccer bettings. Recently, this same friend is over SGD$3000 in debt.

It always starts with something like "just playing for fun" but ending with "i'm in deep shit, i regret it". It's then followed by "I will quit", only to return with "aiya just a play abit only lah".

I don't understand, what do people see in gambling, especially soccer bettings. Okie I think I might have a clue thanks to my past experiences. When you watch a football match, it is often not that thrilling just watching as compared to watching with a wager or bet already placed. Which goal post the ball ends up in determines where your money goes. This is thrill to the punters.

Yes you will win, definitely. But you will lose too, and more than often the amount you lose always exceeds what you win by a big figure. The common mistake people made is that when they win, they are greedy for more, they feel great they feel high and invincible. They want more and often end up losing more. And when they lose, what do they do? They try to win back even more. You lose $50 and u want to win back $100. You lose and instead of losing $50 you have lost $150 now. It's just an example but if u change this figure to those that the 'serious punters' bet, the amount of money is incredible.

When you lose, it is always because your luck is down and that means you should take a step backwards by restraining yourself from betting. But very few people do that. Why? Because it's become an addiction. They are now addicted to it.

It is a problem when you wake up every morning and the first thing that goes through your mind is "what match tonight? bet who? bet how much? odds?" You have a serious problem if you are like this. I been all these myself. It is shit, and I realize I'm more 'accurate' when I guess or make predictions for people than when I choose who I'd place my money on. When you guess or predict you do not have pressure, when you bet, you have to contend with the knowledge that you are putting your money at risk and that is where one often makes the wrong choice and end up losing.

Gambling can really make one rich, I've won a thousand on a single game before. The feeling was fucking incredible but I have also tasted the devasting feeling of keying in zeros on the atm machine for people. There are 2 kind of gamblers: those who go with their heads and those who go with their hearts. I belong to the latter which is why I'm just not cut out to win big money by gambling. A moment of rashness, a moment of sentimental craziness often makes my money fly. Whereas for those who bet with their heads and always seem to have luck, they are better suited to gamble. But still, the chances of one becoming rich through gambling is very slim. If it is so easy to get rich by gambling everyone would be driving Ferraris on the road now.

People do not realize what adverse effects gambling could bring. Relationships could be broken, friendships too, families and many others. Above all it is an act of an irresponsible person. I hope this friend of mine see the light soon enough before he falls deeper into the well.

Euro 2008 is coming in 2 months time and I can forsee more tears than joy.

Depressing

Never in my life have I imagine that I woould one day require these...



I'm those who have a thick crop of hair, so thick that it is so irritating sometimes. It takes me alot of courage to write this. This is a huge blow to my confidence, my manhood, my life. This is also what happens when you don't listen to your Mom and constantly color your hair. Make no mistakes, hair dye have nothing to do with this, an accident at the saloon did. It is just my guess because the signs were obvious - I'm losing hair on a particular part of my head in front by the sides. Everywhere else is very normal. That part is also the part where it bore the blunt of the accident. I was bleaching my hair and trying to get it turned into baby blue. The bleach probably stayed too long or the heater was too hot, my hair scalp bleed, there was a little cut and I suspect all those chemicals had gone in and 2 or 3 years later the results were finally visible.

Although it isn't very obvious and it could be hidden, that is not the long term solution. It is a very devasting blow that nobody will really understand until a person as vain as me starts losing his/her hair. I am 24, and the thought of going bald (even though its just an imagination) so young is making me really depressed. It is more depressing than when a girl walks out on u in the middle of sex.

I'm not giving up, never. I know the problem can be rectified, it is not impossible and I promise myself as long I'm still breathing I will do everything I can to solve it, even if it means having to go undergo that special scalp patching which costs over $10,000 SGD. Right now I can only hope the shampoo and conditioner helps. It is not a big problem yet, but it is causing me huge worries.

Sigh..

Remembering Fondly

As the next trip edges closer (approx 14 days), I always can't help but shift my mind towards it. The most exciting period for me are the days leading up to the actual day, you can feel the excitement and expectations building up. It didn't really matter that I'm no longer a newbie to the City of Angels, I still feel the same excitement as the first time I was going there. Ahh yes those beautiful first memories that still sticks to my brain like glue. It was still by far the best trip I've had there even though it was only 4 days 3 nights and I've had far longer ones after that.

I had came a long way since that virgin trip but the memories remain fresh. I still remember everything vividly, from the excitement at Changi all the way to Suvarnabhumi, to the first time we entered a go go bar and got intimidated by the girls really badly, to the time Alvin & I got lost at some pier and took boats randomly to find our way out, it was so refreshing everytime I think of it. Never fails to make me laugh or smile.

I remembered the time we were selecting our hotels, it is funny that Singaporeans have this mentality that their first hotel in Thailand have to be in the Siam or Pratunam area. I always hear the word 'Baiyoke', 'Asia' or 'Samran'. I don't understand why either because I myself was one of these people who insist on one of these hotels for my first time. Now when I look back at it, it makes me laugh. Maybe it's because we Singaporeans think that these are the 'convenient' places. It's like the hotel is located right beside The Heeren or Cineleisure in Singapore. But of course that isn't true, Bangkok is not Singapore as I eventually found out. There are so many better options, better value for money places but it's just the Singaporean mentality of u know...."eh my friend stay there leh she say good so I also want to stay there".

Whenever I see people talking enthusiastically about their upcoming virgin trip to the Land of Smiles it makes me think about my own as well. I feel like a veteran now but that isn't true even though it is now like a second home to me, I'm only a veteran to the newbies. Anyway I can smell Tom Yum land coming again, it is going to be solo this time. Yes I'm going all alone, cool? Nay it's scary but thats what defines thrills.

Sleepless Nights

Strange. When one takes a variety of different medicine, lala land usually comes calling soon after. But that doesn't seem to be the case for me, my medcine seem to be like pills made from Red Bull instead. I have been badly ill and without wanting to go into details, lets say some kind of fever that could kill for the past few days. Whats new? 2008 is a terrible year in terms of health for me, and it's only April....wonder what other mishaps or illness lies ahead. Anyway I just can't get to sleep no matter how hard I tried. My mind just couldn't close shop and sleep it just keeps on thinking about all kind of things. The last 3 days I had slept less than 12 hours and since last night I haven't slept a wink. Rolled on the bed for 4 fucking hours, got fed up and gave up. Doesn't helps that I was having an uncomfortable nose and coughing non stop as well.

Before this damn fever I haven't had such insomia for a long time now after this sickness I just can't get to sleep! Hopefully I can fall alseep in office later. I herby declare myself a zombie today. Sigh.

Single-Minded

I actually slept less then 3hours to wake up at 3.30am to cook mee goreng because my stomach was calling for it. Am I mad? Maybe. I can't really sleep anyway, I had woken up at 7pm on Sunday, sleeping at least 13hours. I used the term maybe because I have no idea what time I slept on Saturday. I only know I reached home at about 2.30am and then feeling emotional and awful inside I drank myself drunk with Martell and fell asleep. If I weren't awake at this time then I wouldn't be typing or have typed this entry.

It is not very often I share something private with people and even seldom I share it with a person I've never seen before. But on Friday, I did just that during office hours because I needed to get it off my chest. I wanted a guy's opinion and amongst that I know and are available, there aren't many suitable ones so I asked a friend I know from the MINDEF forums, just someone I chat and gossip with during office hours when we are bored at times. Yes guys do that too, surprised? Anyway I sought his opinion on something about relationship and there was one particular point he said which haven't been able to leave my head since. I can't remember the exact line but I remembered the exact meaning - "be single-mind when it comes to relationships".

Before I go on I shall explain the meaning just in case anyone happens to read this and get the wrong meaning.

single-minded
• adjective concentrating purposefully on one particular thing.
— DERIVATIVES single-mindedly adverb single-mindedness noun.

The reason why I haven't been able to stop thinking of that sentence was because I felt it was so damn correct and that I haven't been doing the correct thing for a long time. Maybe this is why it was so different now and before. In the past when I woo someone I would focus 100% on the task and that person alone. Nowadays it doesn't happen. I don't go 100% out to win someone's heart. I do it bits by bits, hesitate alot and that is probably why the ones I considered have probably not felt anything. I know the reason for this as well - because I had options now whilst I didn't in the past. Now whenever I thought of going after someone I always add in the options. It was my way of making myself feel secure but in the end I will end up with none no matter how many options I had.

That friend had also said being single-minded is a very difficult task that very few guys succeed. His reasons were that guys are always tempted by a moment of lust or folly, resulting in something tragic. He added that no matter how confident one is about a person there are always times of doubts and distraction that sway our attention. Right, it is really difficult but I don't agree with it completely because I've passed this test before successfully.

Being single-minded in relationships is one of the elements for success, I come to realise it. But still, it is not enough because if a girl doesn't fancy me no amount of single-mindness would be able to place me in her heart. I can be single-minded 100% and she'd be my only focus and center of attention but it still wouldn't work. Love is so confusing sometimes........

Flu-ly bad mood

Today is a very fucked up day. People say I have a nice nose, but they have no idea what a stucked up nose it is. Flu basically everyday, can't even get a bloody proper night of rest! And today I must have offended the gods again, they present me with a bloody stupid doctor. Ok I should have known better that majority of the polyclinic doctors are either stupid, useless, or both!

I mentioned I have been having serious flu everytime I wake up and I added that it is NOT block nose and he basically "ya ya I know I know I know" all the way as if trying to impress the female trainee doctor sitting beside and learning. So that's how an upperstudy teaches his understudy? No wonder one by one they are all so dumb and fucking useless. I assumed he really know what he's doing since he say he will give me the medication at the phramcy and when I went to collect it I got a shock. What?! One bloody bottle of nasal spray meant for blocked nose?! I asked the lady if there's other medicine and she said the doctor only perscribe this one. Whatever, I took it, and headed straight down to my usual doctor's clinic at my old housing area.

I whine and complained an awful lot of shit about the polyclinic incident to him. He asked me about my flu symtoms and stuffs, gave me a clear understanding of my condition and then explain what medication he's giving me as usual. Now this is why he is my favourite doctor and this is what seperate the so call 'healthcare workers' from those in the private practice. Time for MOH to duct the pay of these fucking useless 'healthcare workers'!

That's not all, when I was making my payments, the total amount was a whopping $66. Apparently the special spray he gave me costs $43 which explains it. I have no problem paying it but I had only $50 in my wallet and they do not accept cards, not even nets. So I had to went out to withdraw money and it incurred to me at that moment that I do not have any POSB/DBS cards with me and there is no Citibank ATM machines around that area!! The nearest one was at Lakeside MRT station. I think there is no need to write about what happened after that.

My fucked up day was compounded soon after when I got back home and found that I cannot upload a single photo into photobucket or bloggers , so yeah no photos for this post. Singnet wireless sucks big time, fucked up slow and inconsistent connection! Bring back starhub!

*It's only 11am I wonder what other shits are awaiting me for the rest of the day!