Reality is like a battlefield

U either kill or be killed. Think about it, every aspect of life is really a battlefield, there's simply no room for sympathy and grief. The most merciless and cruel ones will survive it seem. Its a harsh cruel world and its no place for softies.

People often mistaken me as a very fierce, tough or scary guy but in truth, i'm like a crab - hard outside but soft inside. I'm like a novel, u have to read on longer to get what the whole storyline is about. There are so many times in the past i allowed my softer side to get the better of me and ended up trying to get myself out of a mess. There was once i tried to cover up for a friend and got misunderstood by everyone. There was once i stalled over my decision whether to buy that shirt which was a last piece and within seconds it was gone.

Playing the nice guy simply isn't doing myself any favours as i found out. Over the years i told myself i have to harden up to adapt to reality. I've had my fair share of success although the progress wasn't as fast as i wish for it to be. There are still times i allow my heart to rule over my head even though i knew it wasn't a right decision.

I'm going to change that. I'm going to be even more heartless than ever from now on. To get what i want, to acheive success, as long as its not through some shameless manners, i will be cruel when needed. I'm sick of playing second fiddle sometiems, i'm sick of suffering, i want to be a player now. Its better to play than be played. I don't mean my heart's gonna turn into some ice or rock or even worst, without one. I'm just saying i've to use my head more often now if i ever want success to come flooding in.

Anyway its such a boring saturday today, hardly had anything to do from morning right until now. Had a sudden urge to cut my hair today instead of early May as planned. The results wasn't that bad, i'm quite satisfied. Nowadays i seem to prefer a simple and more boylish style instead of ever changing styles and colors which i often did in the past. I used to be unable to stand my hair in black or extremely dark colors but not anymore.

Boredroom kicked in and i decided to messed around with photoshop. I'm zi lian, i know that so please don't remind me if anyone of u ever felt the urge to!

My virgin musical

We went to watch the West Side Story Musical stage show at esplanade last evening. My first time catching a theatre stage show. It was nice and tragic i must say, similiar to the show Romeo & Juliet. Only difference is that it was played 'LIVE' and its a musical.

The theatre itself reminds me of the movie 'The Phantom of the Opera" as well. The way the seat boxes were allocated and the stage, etc was similiar to the one in that movie. The audience were mostly working adults, 'ang mohs' and retirees so i guess we must be the youngest there. I'm starting to like musicals but only if the play and plot is good, else i'd fall asleep inside for sure. I realized these kind of concerts or plays are really relaxing and makes u feel very 'grown up' indeed. *Chuckles!* Its just a pity the damn ushers wouldn't let me snap pictures though.







I'm thankful to my friends and even strangers who read my blog for their concern shown the past 1 or 2 days. I'm fine, i'm just very confused and upset, but i suppose that was only natural when u love a person so much.

Faced with 2 choices last night, i could choosed to end it all and make the whole relationship a thing of the past, or i could give her some time to see if she could commit and if things could get better. I choosed the second option because i believe in presevence and holding on to something which means alot to me. We will just take things as it comes and see where it leads us to. Still, it takes 2 hands to clap.

Sometimes, we don't realize what we've lost until we've lost it. I don't want that to happen.

Broken

I wished i never woken up this morning.

She was the one who gave me hope in love again when i had nearly given up on it.

She was the one who gave me the courage to commit once again when i was so haunted by the demons from the past.

She was the one who brought back the faith in love which i had lost, she made me believe in love all over again.

She was the one who made me feel complete and whole once again, my world lights up all because of her.

A cruel ending, i held back my tears. A guy should not cry. I just wish i had slept on forever last night. I wished i din't have to wake up and face all these. My mind is a total washout right now. I don't want to hear the word sorry. I'd be fine, i'd be strong.

People say its stupid to give up an entire forest for a single tree. I don't believe in that, i rather have this single tree than the entire forest. All i want is to love u, all i want is for u to love me too.

A morning i should never have woken up....

Ghost Marriage

Rumors from my friend's site has it that this is a traditional chinese ghost marriage. Meaning one is a human while the other is a cropse. Does this picture and story really gives people the creeps? Not really for me, just abit uneasy maybe.

Here is how the story goes...it was originally written in chinese and im thankful for the translation into english.

Mr History teacher did a search, and indeed, the photo was real. It belonged to the 1920s, a village in China. The girl was only 17. She came from a well off family, and with the power of money, she managed to get the boy of her dreams. He was 19, and was quite popular among the girls given his good looks.

They were engaged, but the marriage wasn’t consummated, or rather, the official wedding rituals were not performed yet, and the girl died from a high fever in 1922. The boy had no wish to go through the traditional wedding rites for the dead, and he decided to run away and join the army. But as mentioned, the girl came from a rich and powerful family, and her family members managed to get him back, and the boy was forced to attend the wedding rites with the dead girl.

The photo was taken in the early evening, when she was already dead for 6 days. They had to prop her body up with a wooden plank, so as to hold her up. Notice that her feet weren’t touching the ground fully? And also, the 2 rows of Chinese characters, one row was carved outwards, which was said to be meant for the dead.

They said that if you were to stare at the photo longer, and if the girl were to smile back at you, bad things are said to befall on you. This was because the boy wasn’t willing to go through the rites, however, he was poor, and he couldn’t do much that time. The girl loved him deeply, and kind of forced him into engagement.

Creepy? u decide it yourself....i dint feel or see her smiling back at me anyway....

My name is Floyd....

...And i'm virtually an impossible person to understand. I'm always stuck in dilemmas where i needed to choose to go with my heart or my head. I've learnt that going with my heart often results in heartaches. So over the years i learnt to go with my head. It fared slightly better but i'm not always happy. Its like buying a sofa. Your heart tells u sofa A is nice and u love it but your head tells u sofa B is better in quality and more worth it. U choosed sofa A and u'd get disappointment if it breaks down but if u choose sofa B u'll not be fully happy because that's not what u want.

I'm a person borned with and dependent on my moods many times. My moods are like a rainbow, full of colors and ever changing. Nobody, not even myself will be able to tell what my next mood is going to be. That makes me an incredible sulk to certain people, that is why people often misunderstood me as wierd. I'm not wierd, i'm not a sulk as well, its just that people don't understand my mood and myself well enough to judge me. For example, i could be laughing jovially one moment and getting jovially and upset for no reason the next. This often explains why my facial expressions changes so often and leave people scratching their heads as to what they had done.

A person dependent on his mood is also someone with alot of feelings. This makes a person sensitive, passionate, emotional and temperamental. Being sensitive means there's lots of imaginations going through my mind every moment and that i'm very observant to little changes or people's feelings. This probably explains why i used to excel in english essays back then in school. Give me a siutation and i could probably imagine a dozen possibilities. On the other hand, i'm very sensitive to others, both physically and emotionally. Little things like different ear rings, nail colors or perfume will catch my attention. I always seem to take into consideration others' need and be able to feel what is needed.

Now to the more pratical people, they will tell u this feel thing is all nonsense and ridiculous but to those less pratical ones, they will say its true.

I'm a passionate person. I don't call it sex. I call it love making. I don't support a team because it everyone does or just because its successful. I support a team because i love everything about them. Everything i do i love to do it with passion, even writing. Even when i'm down in the dumps or faced with failure i'd like to think it is still possible if i believe it. I'm more of a positive than confident person.

Being emotional is simply being me. People can say being a guy one shouldn't be so emotional but guys are humans afterall and it doesnt means being emotional means i'm not a real guy. Its just part of my characteristics. An emotional me is a hard one to handle. One must be able to match and understand what i'm going through and sometimes this is simply impossible to explain in words. For example i can watch such a sad movie and get all emotional and expect my girl to soak herself in this pool of emotions with me, telling me how much she love me and all the sweet things. Or even a warm, long and tight hug. The sight of a warm happy family going out on an outing can also trigger the emotional demons within me.

"How loving.....i wished i can be like the guy. I wish i can have such a happy family as well...haix.."

People who knows me will know i'm a hot head. The way i speak and my body languages also sometimes gives people the wrong idea that i'm HOT and about to burst any time! This results in people telling me to "relax"!

DAMN!!

Now this is the real reason why i get really angry! Its not funny when ur so calm and people keep asking u to relax! Its just the way i speak and my body actions. Maybe i'm too serious at times but obviously these people haven seen me when i'm real angry yet.

Its not a sight to behold nor a siutation to enjoy. When i snap i simply snap. Then again it depends on my mood. If im in a bad mood then well its a dormant volcano right down there. Otherwise i'd simply control my anger inside. Over the years i've learnt to control my temper much more and with success as well.

A man without a temper isn't a man, they say. And i fully agree with this. I'm can be really crabby, unreasonable and almost impossible to please when i'm having my 'PMS'. Hey not only girls have them alright although we don't have a bloody mess to be contend with, we do experience such a thing as PMS once or twice a month. Personally i like to hear sweet words, praises and feel assured and pampered when i'm having PMS. It just makes me feel better like i'm important or right in place.

I'm a person who loves to feel important. Most importantly i love to feel important and unique to my own girlfriend. Which guy or girl doesn't anyway? Lets talk about friends first though. I'm a person who values my friendships alot, i'm one who will be there when my friends needed me to and i'm one who finds no a hard word to say to my friends. But i've learnt over the years u can't say yes too often either. People will simply take u for granted.

I like to feel important amongst my friends. I don't appreciate it at all when friends do everything and decide everything without me or tell me about an outing they planned at the evelventh (last) hour. I'm not saying everything has to go through me either, because i'm not a boss or a king. But it does helps when they consider my feelings and opinions as well. I'm an easy going and simple person but it doesn't means i'd just agree and take anything that comes my way. I've my own ideas and opinions which i expected to be respected as well. I hate feeling left out in a conversation as well, its simply a turn off especially when friends talk as if i'm totally invisible and yet have the cheek to ask where i'm going or why am i going off so soon when i stood up and say: "i'm leaving....".

Its of extreme importance to me to feel not only love but importantce as well when i'm in a relationship. I expect to feel that i'm the special one in her life, that i'm unique to her. All these things are determined through the things that she does and the words that she says. But then this is also a heart felt feeling, meaning if your heart feels so then it is. There is no why.

I'm a romantic person, i wouldn't say the most but i would say one of the most. Of course everyone have their own version of romantic. Some consider star grazing as romantic whilist others consider eating ice cream together at home on a rainy day romantic. Everyone have their own form of romance but i feel i'm a borned and breed romantist. Its unusual to many for a guy to love romantice shows. But i love them, i'd feel i'm the leading actor in the movie afterwards. I love doing sweet things for my girl, be it little or big but only to someone i truly love. There was once i never said any sweet words or did any sweet things for my ex gf. It was so unlike of me but that was because i din't loved her at all when i realized it eventually. It was like, not love.

In love and relationship, i'm both a taker and a receiver. I don't wanna lie and say i am someone who believe in giving my all and asking for no return. I do expect returns, i do expect appreciation for things i do. I don't expect the sky, just some sincere returns from the heart. Its the thoughts that counts.

I'm a bit crazy and nuts when i'm in love truly madly and deeply. I will go to great heights and do everything i could. Nothing will seem to matter more to me than my partner. But i'm like a rose sometimes. I needed to be pampered as much as i love to pamper my partner.

I don't know why i love to pamper my girlfriend so much, i guess its because seeing her happy brightens up my day as well.

I'm protective, overly protective sometimes. I don't fancy being made jealous times and times again, i don't fancy feeling insecure all the time. Someone said insecurity is like ever-dying. One gone and a new one will resurface. I don't know whether to believe in that or not but i'm a firm believer that love conquers all, everything else is secondary.

I'm rash at times, because i often listen to my heart first and ended up having to use my head to think of what 'might have been'. I'm a risk taker as well. I used to be overly generous, but over the years i've learnt to spend my money properly.

Am i person who knows my limits? Definitely.

Memories are something that i thrive alot on. Whether they are good or bad, lame or funny, nothing beats recalling them when i'm bored. But i don't live on my past. My motto in life have always been : "the brush is in your hands, u decide how u want to paint your tomorrow".

All of us have choices in life i believe. Its up to us whether we want to do it. Life is no difference, u can decide what u want to do with it. U can dwell on something and its not because the something is addicting or what its because u yourself choosed to dwell on it! Take my TP for example, at times i choosed to dwell on it, feeling miserable whenever i see cars on the road. But i have since told myself its enough, and thats me. After a failure i'd dwell on it, make myself miserable, filling my head with all the negative thoughts but after awhile i'd be up on my feets again.

Life is a battlefield, u either kill or be killed. Love is like a game u either play or be played.

I'm feeling emotional now, i can't sleep. I miss Joreen tonnes. I hate it when we end a conversation with a 'bye' or a 'night'. I'm not satisfied, it tells me she's unhappy or something like that. I wish maybe we could've said something more to each other. I hate it when she says 'suits u' as well. Its like me telling her......whatever u wish la ok?

There is no doubt i love her alot, my commitment is fully there not a single bit less. Somehow i still feel i din't make her feel that happy. I can't sleep tonight because i'm dwelling on this and because i've slept for over 10 hours. Why doesn't she talks to me more? Why is there always empty silence during our conversations? How can i make her happier? Am i not good enough? Am i a burden to her?

I wanted to talk to her so much that i din't even tell her i was running in between my room and living room trying to catch the match between chelsea and liverpool while talking to her. Liverpool won, and every guy who knows me will tell u i'd be crazy and gone insane over this result. It was no normal liverpool match. Its liverpool vs chelsea FA cup semi final! Somehow after the final whistle where liverpool won 2-1, i din't felt very happy as all. As usual irwan and raymond are the first to start getting excited on msn but i was feeling rather sluggish. My mind wasn't on the match. In the past, i will say liverpool is my everything, liverpool is in my blood. I still love them so much today, but someone has overtook them as the rightful number 1 in my heart.

That wss the reason why i dint went crazy jumping up and down, teasing all those chelsea and man u fans and so on. Because right in my mind i was feeling down. As i said earlier, when the person i love is happy it brightens up my day. So its the opposite now. How could i feel happy when i feel she's not that happy yet? I don't like to feel useless but can i help it now?

I feel half empty, i feel lonely when she's not around. I know she can't be around all the time but neither can i juz say i don't wanna feel this way and instantly don't feel this way?

There are so many times i wished Joreen could share everything she's feeling or thinking about with me. That i could be someone that she could just say virtually anything, anytime, anywhere to, without having to think for a second. I wish she doesn't have to keep the silence, especially when its so clear that something is not right and she says "nothing". It can really drive me nuts and crazy trying to figure out everything and exmaining all the possibilities. I can really go crazy!!

Am i as important to u as u are to me?
Am i as unique to u in your eyes as u are to me?
Am i on your mind all the time just like how much i'm thinking of u everytime?

There are so many things i wished to know. There are so many question marks in my head. I feel insecure because of these question marks. At times i feel very much afraid to fall in love all over once again. My last 2 relationships wasn't even considered love at all. I knew it will take someone very special to recapitulate the faith i had in love all over again. Ive met the person, i don't wanna lose her, but yet i feel so miserable and useless...

Im not trying to gain anyone's sympathy, i don't need u people coming to tell me to cheer up or anything. No i don't need that, i just want to let everything out.

Disaster but not the end of the world


Devasted. I feel totally ashamed of myself that i've been such a let down. I had barely 3 hours of sleep as i had a terrible nightmare about being disqualified from the test. Woke up at 6am and dragged myself to shower and rush down to the centre. There were 11 others there and most had the word 'renewed' stamped on their PDL meaning this was at least their 2nd attempt.

I felt very nervous and got myself a cup of tea but it din't offer much help. During the warm up, i was so anxious and nervous that i actually drove on a WRONG LANE!! What the hell!? This had never happened before and i din't even realized it. Towards the end of the warm up i did calm down much more and my instructor was very encouraging as well. While waiting for my test route, i kept going to the toilet to slap myself awake and to 'fired' up myself. I got one of the easiest test routes after the drawing of lots.

Wierd enough, wasn't nervous a bit the moment i stepped into the car. In fact i was very focused on what i had to do and was very calm. Like the majority, i flunked the whole test on public road and not in circuit. The reasons were controversial and seem ridiculous to me. I was very dead sure i'm going to pass when i'm driving back to the centre after the test. I felt i drove very safe and well.

Alas he dropped a fucking bombshell on me in the room, saying i drove too slow!!! My mind went blank, i felt like crying, i felt like punching the fuck out of him. I just couldn't believe it. I asked...."what?!". And he repeated "u were too slow when moving off as well as when moving along with the traffic flow". It was ridiculous.......I drove within the speed limit everytime, 50 - 55 on 50km roads and 75 - 80 on 70km roads! I asked him aboout it and he said: "yes u drove within the speed limit and correct speed but there were vehicles behind u meaning u were too slow!". I shot back saying "so u mean i was suppose to speed just because they were speeding?" He replied me with a shurg on his shoulder and those blur face look. I felt even more like punching him at that moment. Well can someone tell me if im suppose to drive beyond the speed limit of the road just to merge with the traffic flow? isn't that breaking the laws? Damn!

He added afterwards that i was very good with saftey precautions such as blind spots etc and in fact i got 0 points for those stuffs but i simple drove too slow. Thats why i fail. I look at the score card and it was unbelievable. For one item i got at least 3 ticks and they were all 2 or 4 points stuffs! 2 x 4 = 8.... 4 x 3 = 12....

I left the centre in a daze and the first thing i did was to open my cell phone and told darling about it. She din't seem to believe me at 1st but did so later on.

There goes my car, and now i fucking have to wait until june 22 for my retest and that is 2 fucking months and 60 fucking days away! And it is a world cup month and it clashes with my FYP project! Well what to do i can only pray that people cancel their slot so i can jump queue again. I felt so miserable the whole day i simply wish to bury myself under my bed for good. I din't expect to fail, not at all, not before the test, not during the test and certainly not after the test as well!! I drove accordinly to common sense, that is to drive saftey and carefully. But it seem those fucking testers had other ideas.....I think owen who fail under similiar circumstances will know what it feels like. SIGH!!!

Its not all gloom and doom though, i've never been known as someone who gives up the race halfway. I will try again, i will fight and get what i richly deserve. I'm just so disappointed that i can't buy the car next month now. On the other hand, words can't describe how lucky i am to have an understanding gf. I merely text darling accordinly to what i feel, saying i wish i could see her this very moment and she replied me that if that was the case she would come right now. I got a shock seeing the reply, because she was at work and how could she probably come out to see me?! As shock as i was, i felt very touched and appreciate that she was trying very hard to be there for me when i needed her so badly. We ended up having coffee and chatting away at coffee bean. I feel loved and i feel so much better after seeing her although my facial reactions tells another story. But thats me, sometimes what i show on my face is not what i feel or think and vice versa.

Horrible wednesday, will never forget this test. I will never forget how i fucking fail it. I'm at a T-junction now, i could choose to let depression and disappointment get the better of me or choose to let them spur me on. I choose the 2nd option of course, i will always get what i want if i'm determined enough.

I need a big break tonight when i join the guys for Chris's birthday party. Been quite a while since the prom that i see them anyway.

The burden of expectations

I'm feeling rather stumped. By rights i should be happy, excited and nervous. Its not like i haven a reason to be, i've lots of them. I've found my other half, we've planned afew things to look forward to, i've got a bloody TP test tomorrow morning, i'm finally getting my own bloody car and so much more. But heck i'm not feeling as happy as i would like to be, i din't want to keep this in silence as well. I'm contended with my life as it is now but i still feel unease, i think it's got alot to do with expectations.

I believe disappointments comes with expectations. If one has expectations, one will always experience disappointments.

Am i a good lover? This one's for people to decide but i firmly believe i'm not that a bad one. I've always had compliments from people. Well the problem with me is that little things means a hell lot to me, i'd get back to what kind of little things and i expect a fair share of appreciation when in love, both in words and actions.

I would like to agree with the phrase that we should give without expecting anything in return but i'd be lying to myself if i say i fully agree with that phrase. I'm not a lover who ask for the sky but i'm a lover who loves getting appreciation and regconition for the things i do and give. Which person wouldn't love that anyway?

Well, above all what gives me the ultimate satisfication is the feeling of being loved and that my other half's proud to have me as her partner. I don't mean of course that i expect my partner to place a big ad in the papers to announce that i'm her bf and how much she love me. That wouldn't make sense. I just wish to feel so, to feel secured and appreciated in both words and actions. And this is where the little things comes in. I once told my beloved that i din't relish the word 'him' being used to describe me in her blog. Well my reason is that him doesnt sounds that nice does it? Why not something like 'my dear'....'my darling'...'my sweetheart'.....or even 'my bf' sounds so many times better. Having said so, im aware that u know.....different people do have different thinking and well that was just my personal thoughts. Little things like how often darling mentions me to anyone, anywhere, be it blogs, friends, friendster or whatever, it does makes me feel i'm of utmost importance to her and that we belong to each other and no one else. For me, thats' also a sense of security.

Expectations does brings disappointments. When we expect something, the chances of it not occuring is always higher to that of it happening. It may sounds ridiculous but its true and sometimes we're not even aware of it.

I'm simply a greedy lover, when i'm fully committed i belong to no one else but my partner and i expect more or less the same from her as well. This is like saying i want her all to myself, its not being possessive, i don't like being tied down much less tie someone i love down. Right now, i do feel that she doesnt belongs fully to me, it does affect me a great deal but i'm aware though that time is an essential factor. Its not everyday i meet someone i truly love, someone i can proudly call the my other half. It would be the stupid and incongruous if i ever gave up half-way. Patience is a toture but its fruits tastes heavenly-like...

Much as we try not to have any expectations in life, somehow everyone of us will have them. Having no expectations is aliken to having no goals and no motivation at all in life. Its like a robot needing people to make decisions for u. And i know that if we can't even decide something on our own, not even heaven could help us decide it.

People often ask the question..."whats so good about him/her"? I would like to answer this today, i dunno whats so good about my darling but i would love to spend my entire life trying to find out. Its not my world anymore, rather its our world.

I'm not blessed with perfection or anywhere near it so i'm just thankful heaven gave me a gift nicely wrapped up and leaving it all up to me to cherish it.

I love u darling, u make me feel whole....promise me we'd not give up on each other...promises are not meant to be broken either...

Good luck to my TP tml, for christ's sake its a fucking 7.25am session and the traffic's dead sure to be crazy! pray i pass it and wont have to drive illegally anymore!

Wondrous day!

How can i not blog after such an astounding and unforgettable day? I'm tired but it wont stop me from blogging.

Darling looked nothing but exquisite and gorgeous today, she was smiling all day long and couldn't stop teasing me. Seeing her in high spirits certainly brighten up my day as well. We headed to cineleisure to watch the show 'Art of seduction' and guys this is one show u people should NOT miss! Absolutely hilarious, sexy and romantic too! Catch it, its worth every penny of your $9.50!

We had dinner at cafe cartel where i passed her the birthday gift. I was worried literally she might not like the design or color so u could imagine how relieved and happy i was when i saw the big and i really mean BIG glow in her eyes and face when she opened up the box and saw the watch. She looked just like a little girl who's just got a prize for getting gd grades in school, adorable!

Up next was the most important and yet anxious moment, the cake! We reached my place, i told her to wait downstairs while i get 'something' from my house. Her face turned red and was filled with joy when i appeared with the cake box and told her this was a cake i made myself. I planned to celebrate it at the park nearby but as my place was empty, i thought why not? So up we went.

I can't help but sweat and sweat and after i had lit the candle and sang her the birthday song, i frozed! I kept telling her the cake sucks badly, that it was newbie stuff and apologise if it tastes horrible. I froze even more when she was about to eat the cake. I could hardly believe it when she said it tastes nice and even ate 2 slices of it. Dumbfounded, i tried a piece myself and hmm...it wasn't that bad as i thought afterall! Felt a huge burden off my shoulders at that moment!

Darling said i gave her an extravagant surprise and a great birthday after she left. I know she should be the one feeling happy but somehow i feel as happy if not more than her. To me, her happiness is mine, so are her sorrows. Tell me, what else can beat seeing your beloved so happy and joyful?! Nothing, to me at least!

I feel extremely happy, contended, please and in fact every happy word that can be found in the dictionary are being felt! Darling often ask me why i am i looking at her, well they say when a guy looks into the eyes of a girl he's trying to tell her how beautiful she is. I dunno whether this is crap or not but to me its nothing but real. I guess thats love, i'm loving every bits of it i admit although we do bricker and argue at times. That's only natural too although i admit i'm unreasonable at times.

Well, sum it up......15.04.06 is a day i'd keep in my memory box forever. I'm happy, heart-felt!

Going Insane!

I'm dead sure i can never make the cut as a baker or work in a confectionery after my first ever baking experience! Its not that i make it sound that bad its that at times the whole process really and nearly drove me nuts. Here's what it was like.....

I spent 3 days deciding what kind of cake i wanna make and finally decided upon Tiramisu chocolate cake on wednesday. So i wrote down a list of the ingredients which i needed to buy on a list. First time i actually wrote something like that!

Thursday - I choosed to go to the 'market place' at Raffles City shopping center to try my luck because i know normal supermarkets like NTUC or shop n save are less likely to have those stuffs i want. I went after my project which means i had to carry a big bag containing laptop, adapter, book, mouse, camera, and all sorts of shit. To exacerbate matters, i was already exhausted by the time i reached there after such a long day. I really looked like some newbie in a supermarket walking around with a shopping list in palms and searching for my stuffs. I had to ask the salespersons for assistance on at least 3 ocassions! Eventually i found about 3/4 of the stuffs i needed but i decided not to buy the Mascarpone Cheese from there because i'm afraid it might melt by the time i got home. Big mistake.

Next i headed down to jurong east to get the baking tools such as mould, base and spaluta. Already nearly 8pm by the time i reached there and guess what.....when i went to look for the cheese there, it was UNAVAILABLE! I tried every single store and supermarket and they said they don't sell such cheese there! I thought of going all the way back to city hall to get it but my already overworked brains and exhausted body were crying for me to head home. I gave in to them.

I couldn't start on the cake on thursday as scheduled as a result of the missing cheese, whipping cream and brandy/rum. That means i only have the whole of Friday to ensure im successful because Tiramisu's a cake that needed to be refrigated for at least half a day to have maximum taste when eating it. Darling's birthday was on saturday. I feel stress, im afraid i might screw up everything and make a mess because i know nuts about baking and i've never baked anything before! Cooking yes.......baking no!

Friday morning i got up early as i had a long day ahead. I had to get a gift as well. Talking about getting gifts, im one who always have in mind something to get for anyone, be it a friend, family or partner. This time was no difference, i knew getting her a watch would be appropriate. Well i don't know why its appropriate, i just feel so. The problem was where do i get the watch?! The first thing that came to my mind was a bling bling watch. I din't have a second thought about getting it from Guess. Unfortunately, the Guess store at takashimaya din't have a really nice design and neither did the one at scotts road. At that time i realized i walked past a Guess outlet at raffless city while getting the ingredients yesterday. So off i went.

There were so much more different designs and colors at this outlet compared to those at orchard. There was one that really stand out from the rest though. A white one and it was really sparkling and outstanding. Beside pink, she loves white too din't she? I snapped it up!

Gift's done and i head down to the supermarket to get the cheese and rush home immediately. On the way back i realized i din't have any expresso coffee at home so i had to rush down to liberty supermarket at Jurong Point to get it. Rushed home in the rain to start my baking session.

I totally screwed up the 1st attempt. I tried to be clever and combined 2 different recipes of tiramisu cake and ended up with a WATERY cake! To make matters worse, the whole thing spilled out and over onto my table and floor. Thankfully my mom or dad wasn't home. The whole kitchen resembles that of some foam or snow place! I felt so angry, disappointed and devasted. I had a jolly hard time cleaning up the whole place while thinking of what to do now.

I wanted to give up, i thought of simply getting a cake or even telling her how badly failed. But being a strong willed and determined person, i din't wanted to gave up. I don't like believing in the word impossible. How could i even think of giving up? I decided to try again but i had NO CHEESE LEFT!!! Jesus!

I look at the clock and it was around 5.40pm. There goes my plan of giving her a surprise at midnight later on. But nevertheless, i rush all the way down to city hall...and that supermarket....AGAIN! That was the 3rd time i've been there! Grabbed the cheese and sped home to try it out all over again. This time i was extremely careful and did everything slowly and accordinly to the recipe.

At 9pm, i finally completed the cake. I was still afraid it would turn out tasteless or horrible because i didn't tried it although the mixture and cream smells good. I had another hard time cleaning the kitchen afterwards. My hands and fingers were numb at the end of the day.

Hopefully she'd like and appreciate it even though it was newbie stuffs. It certainly wasn't easy considering the efforts put in and this was the most expensive cake i've 'bought'......thanks to the cheese which costs $20 alone! Actually only 11 bucks for one but i screwed up the first attempt so....haha im such a newbie baker! But then i doubt many guys would be able to even complete baking one. It may be amateur stuff but at least it has sincerity in it! Hopefully this is a pleasant surprise for her, hopefully she'd never thought i would bake a cake for her!

Food for thought

I need someone to explain these to me, interesting!

• Why are people so scared of mice but love mickey mouse?
• Why is vanilla ice-cream white but vanilla extract brown?
• If marriage means u felll in love does divorce mean u climbed out?
• If shampoo comes in so many colors why is the lather on your head always white?
• In a hamburger, why is the top half of the bun always bigger than the bottom one?
• How can sweet and sour sauce be sweet and sour at the same time?
• If a rabbit's foot is a lucky charm that people carry with them, what happen to the footless rabbit?
• Why do we always say "bye bye" but not "hi hi"
• If Dracula has no reflection why does he always have a straight parting in his hair?
• Why is it called pineapple when there is neither pine nor apple in it?
• Why is it called eggplant when there is no egg in it?
• Why is a blackboard always green in color?
• Why is it so good to be daddy's girl but not mommy's girl?
• If love is blind, why is lingere so popular?
• Why do sucide pilots bother to wear helmets when they're going to hell anyway?

Tickle Tests/Quizes

This site is astounding enough to make me take nearly all the tests and quizes inside. Majority of the answers are somehow accurate in my case and the questions equally interesting as well. Cool!

The Classic IQ test

You are equipped with a verbal arsenal that enables you to understand complex issues and communicate on a particularly high level, making you a Word Warrior. Your command of words is so powerful that you are also a terrific communicator -- able to articulate big ideas to just about anyone.

The power of words translates to fresh ideas off paper too, in both artistic and creative pursuits. This allows you to be a visionary -- to extrapolate and come up with a multitude of fresh ideas.




Scorpio!

It's sooo you! The planets are very complex. Maybe your astrologer will disagree, and maybe a few tendencies will vary, but overall you're a SCORPIO. You're just like a water sign, which comes out in the way you're so in tune with your emotions and your intuitions.

Your symbol is a scorpion, which represents your secretive nature and your ability to emit a powerful poison when vengeful. A bundle of contradictions, you have the ability to demonstrate both the best and worst qualities that characterise human nature.

Generally, you are intense and passionate, yet stubborn and competitive. You use your intuition fearlessly, and you have a tendency to explore the nature of existence through the study of philosophy and religion.

Although it is difficult for you to trust others, whenever you finally do, the result is deep and powerful. On the downside, however, you must work hard to suppress your jealousy. Your dedication, drive, and persistence will guarantee you success, and you are known and respected for your imagination and idealism.

What is your pub personality?



We hang on everything you say, because you're a smooth talker!

Even the extra cold lagers don't get any cooler than you. A friendly and fun soul, you have a way of making everyone around you feel interesting and important. There's a magnetism to your personality, and people just can't seem to resist your charm and your smooth personality. Especially if you volunteer to get the first round in.

You never worry about being hip and stylish, because a leader like you is usually two steps ahead of everyone and everything. The limelight was made for an avant-garde person like you, so enjoy it! Cheers!

What does your photos say about u?



You're camera shy but canny!

Say cheese! Oh go on! We can tell that you're the sort of person who tends to be happier behind the camera than in the picture itself. You may envy those photogenic people who always seem to look radiant in photos regardless of the situation, but the truth is that you've got one up on them.

We can tell that you're one of life's observers who pick up on interesting information and gossip just by looking and listening instead of planting yourself in the middle of the action. We also know that you're not shy all the time. In fact we bet that you can party with the best of them when you're in the mood to let your hair down. You just don't see the need to over-expose yourself!

What kind of girl is your type?



Your type is the hopeless romantic

Looking for a woman who swoons when you recite poetry? Goes limp over a bouquet of hand-picked wildflowers? The hopeless romantic is your girl. She loves soft music, candlelight, and long walks by the sea at sunset. She cries at weepy movies (her favourite genre) and has had her wedding planned since grammar school.

She's looking for a deep relationship - a soul mate. She's a traditional girl you can open up to and talk to about your feelings, your past, and your hopes for the future. How to win her heart? Romance her. Send her flowers, surprise her with a picnic lunch, or go for a horse-drawn carriage ride. Before you know it, you and your girl will be creating a life-long love story.

What are u looking for in a relationship?



Soul Mate!

Who needs a fling when what you want is the whole fairytale: long walks on the beach, up-all-night conversations, and watching sunrises/sunsets in each other's arms. You're careful about who you go out with, you don't connect with just anyone.

A strong intellectual streak, loyalty, and a great sense of humour may be terrific selling points. But if your partners can't savour romance like you do, it might not be the perfect match you're dreaming of. You're hoping to find your other half, that one person who can finish your sentences, someone who really 'gets' your inner emotions.

And until you find them, you probably don't mind flying solo every now and then. That's because deep down, you know that being with the wrong someone is just an obstacle to being with your one-and-only. So even as you're reading this and thinking about how to find them, remember that somewhere out there, they're probably wondering the same about you. It's just a matter of time.

Are u a ladies man?



You're Mr Lover Man - heaven help the woman who falls under your spell! Wow - you're quite the Casanova! You know how to play the dating game; in fact, you're bloody good at it. We can tell you're an absolute woman-magnet and are never without an admirer or three.

When combined with your significant charm, your attentive, sensitive demeanour makes you irresistible. Someone definitely made sure that you know how to treat a woman - ladies always feel special and appreciated when you're with them. You've got a knack for expressing yourself and showing your interest without appearing too eager, as well. That's a difficult balancing act, and you deserve a pat on the back for perfecting it. At the rate you're going, you won't be dating much longer before you score your dream girl!

Are u a sex god?




Wow! You should change your name to Eros!

Hark - the oracle speaks! A bolt of lightning falls from the sky! SHAZAAM! As the smoke clears, the hidden deity in you emerges and is revealed to be:

Eros - God of Love.As a devotee of this long-neglected virtue, you are a committed romantic. You prefer to savour the joys of seduction before you step into the bedroom. This quality makes you incredibly attractive to women, who seem to melt in your presence.

They sense your strong character and respect your ideals. They dream of stealing you away and making dreamy love to you all day long. Not to say you wouldn't be happy to oblige, but you want to make sure that there's some emotional or intellectual compatibility between you and your partner to carry the relationship along. By the time you are ready to show them your godly performance, they're hooked.

You take sex seriously and show your lucky woman a passion that has only existed in her wildest dreams. You are probably an emotionally expressive and sensitive person whose pleasure comes from pleasing others. Your chivalrous ways have probably earned you a following of fans and a trail of satisfied mortals in your wake.

The love or money test



You're a hopeless romantic!

For richer? For poorer? It doesn't matter to you because you're the Hopeless Romantic. Whether your partner is an oil baron or a grease monkey, it's all about until death do us part.

Even if you haven't met the one, you'll judge your soul mate by the love letters, roses, and foot massages - not the size of their bankroll. And even if their wallet is as fat as their sonnet collection, the most difficult part of your relationship will be arguing over which charity to choose, who loves whom more, and who's likes cuddling the most. And it's no problem if that diamond ring turns out to be glass - your love is completely not-for-profit.

The temptation test



You're finely balanced, you're moderate!

We've all heard it before, "Everything in moderation". It's just you're one of the only ones who can actually do just that — even when it comes to the most tempting of temptations. As a true Moderate, you're the type who allows yourself bits and pieces of life's innocent pleasures — but knows when and how to draw the line before you get carried away.


Because you treat yourself when you have a strong craving, you can more easily say "no" to excessive temptations when they arise. Good call! — You've managed to achieve the perfect balance between pleasing the little angel and the little devil on your shoulders. Getting and maintaining this healthy sense of discipline is a place we should all strive for. (We'll meet you there right after Jerry Springer is over and the tub of ice cream is gone).

Are u millionaire material?



You're a dependable blue collar!

You work hard for your money, but it just never seems to make you any richer, right? That's because you're Blue Collar. And that's hunky dory.

Really. (It works for the Royale Family, doesn't it?) Perhaps you're not the best financial manager ever to walk the earth, but chances are money's not all that's important to you. So what if your job has never made anyone rich? You don't care.

If you'd wanted to be rich, you'd have had to make that your number one priority and forget about lots of other things - like having fun and spending loads of time with family and friends. It's best to enjoy yourself whilst you can rather than spending your time drooling over a bank balance. Certainly, you probably wish life wasn't such a hard slog and that one of those Lottery tickets would finally pay off, but all in all we know you're doing well. Cheers!


What is your fame and fortune?



You're the people's friend and are destined to be big in the social world!

You're a natural bridge to any number of situations. Whether introducing one group of friends to another, or finding a way to get through to someone others have written off, you've got an exceptional knack for really connecting with ideas, concepts, and people.

Some might be attracted to your fun-loving charisma, others might prefer your thoughtfulness, and still others might find a champion in the way you fight for the underdog. Regardless, one thing is clear, you're a people person. So put it to use!

With your skills, you're most likely to find fame and fortune in a joint pursuit with others. If you love the challenge of getting 100 people to show up for a party, maybe event planning is something you should look into. If you prefer to talk the talk and generate hype, maybe public relations is more up your alley. But if you have your own ideas, you just might want to start an outdoor adventure school for troubled kids or an international exchange program for families. Just remember: Your options are limitless.

Are u suited to being your own boss?



You're best suited to setting up a new company!

It seems to us that you're the sort of person who thrives when they can bounce their ideas off other people. We can see you being very tempted if we offered you the chance to set up and run a business with a group of friends. The chance to have fun while you work is not one to be considered lightly. However, as we're sure you're aware, setting up a new company has many risks.

You could be liable for the company's debts, you may fall out with one of your partners or even have to rectify their mistakes. Your sociable nature could be a help with the networking and self-promotion that is always needed, however, we get the impression that you respond best when you receive encouragement from your friends and peers. By working together with a group of people, or in a partnership you can have the best of both worlds!

What is your animal magnetism?



You're a polar bear!

You're one clever and complex cub, Polar Bear. Of course, you don't hibernate like most of your cousins, but you're not one to spend all your time chasing tail either. Still, it seems you don't have any trouble reeling in a bit of spare with that alluring wit of yours. You're the sort who isn't afraid to delve into the deeper sides of life. When you're feeling shy and reserved, however, you might just prefer to roam the expanses solo — at least for a while.

But things can get pretty chilly up there in the Arctic Circle. When it's time for you to find the perfect match, you probably look for a partner who can provide both mental, and of course, physical stimulation. So keep your eyes out for a partner who can keep up with your intellectual wanderings and heart-felt emotions. Once you've warmed up to them, there'll be enough heat to melt even the largest snow cap.

Which football team do u actually support?



Goooooooaaaaaaaal! You're being supported by Liverpool! (Thank god its not others!)

Come on the Reds! We know you'll never walk alone as you have the Kop of Liverpool behind you. You'll always be amongst friends but you may lose the wheels of your car! Alright, alright, calm down, calm down! We're only messing around, but we do think you should be careful if you tend to mimic the Liverpool scouser cheek. We know everyone loves a scallywag, but it has its drawbacks too.

Just like the 'Pool we think you've probably had more than your fair share of success in the past, but it can be difficult to maintain this successful momentum. There's a lot to be said for enjoying yourself and making your working life as entertaining as possible.

However, we all need some silverware in our cabinets at some point, and we have a feeling that even if the cupboard is bare at the moment, you will soon have a trophy to polish. We know you're no ordinary person as you have the potential to live life with a smile on your face and become a huge success at the same time. With this sort of ability you should have no problem raising your head high as you walk through the storm.

Do u have a 6th sense



We just knew you had a strong sixth sense!

Wondering what to do with your life? Why not help Uri Gellar bend a few spoons? Your sixth sense is certainly powerful enough. You may not see dead people (and to be honest, who besides children in horror films really does?) or pick winning lottery numbers every time, but you definitely know when to go with your gut feel. Intuition is often just a matter of keeping calm enough to listen to your inner feelings.

In this hectic world, sometimes it's hard to catch anything besides "feed me" or "watch out for that car!" But you've got it all worked out. After all, just knowing that you should cancel plans or get out of a dead-end relationship is when being naturally intuitive becomes really useful. It's been said that humans are the only animals who train themselves not to trust their instincts, so we applaud you for bucking society's trend. Keep listening to that little voice in your belly - it'll rarely lead you in the wrong direction.

What does your room says about u?



Your room tells us that you're retro!

It's not that you necessarily want to be Austin Powers, but we're guessing you wouldn't mind raiding his groovy pad for a couple key items. For you, retro-cool rules. As a result, you're probably on constant lookout for hipster accents to show off your retro style! While your friends may give you a hard time about your swinging image, they're probably just jealous of that funky egg chair or pop art stained glass picture frame. It's not easy to be so tragically hip.

Though you may dream of floor to ceiling shag carpeting, you understand that not everyone would fancy it. So, instead, maybe you should accessorise with conversation starters such as a brightly striped lamp and a great deco-look paperweight that reflect your throwback tastes. After all, your unique flair may be one of the ways you connect with some of your current friends. And while your décor might be a blast from the past, you're excited about making new friends and know a great way is in a room that's got your Yeah, baby, special touch.