Rainy Sunday

I don't know what to write, I've been feeling emotional the whole day. Shall come to that later on. Well, went to liquid room last night with 'sweets', szewei and yuting. The flame from the 'waterfall' must have dripped onto my fringe or something, part of it was BURNT! Got a shock when i went to the toilet but luckily wasn't too bad and managed to snip away those burnt ones when i got home. Damn i'm so careless. That aside, I had a great time chilling out there and and even sweeter journey home. Sweet because....well...i shall skip this part. Some things need not be said anyway =D

Back to the emotional part. I guess much of it must have come from watching the drama 'Virtues of Harmony' this afternoon. I love 'watching' romance, whether its in the drama, movies or in reality. Seeing a couple happily doing childish or sweet little things or having those little brickering stuffs do bring a smile to my face sometimes. I wouldn't really feel jealous most of the time but i'd just feel emotional and sentimental. I would want to be the guy in those dramas, movies or reality siutations.

Well today's episode taught me something, that when one's in love its obvious to all but ourselves. Sometimes we love a person but refuse to admit it. Even at times forced ourselves to treat that person in a cold, cruel manner. But when that person's not around we'd start to feel regretful or 'soft' inside our heart.

The past few episodes also make me want what I've long wanted even more - living together with my love. Just think of how great that could be, having the whole house to ourselves. Doing grocery shopping together, cooking, laundry, having breakfast together, etc. That's simply so beautiful. Well love is always beautiful in the first place. Its ugly only because we choose to stain it with our wrong-doings.

Everyone wants a Ferrari

The one who doesn't is either a mentally unstable person or a billionaire who can afford 10 Ferraris without blinking an eye. So why is it that no matter how hard we work, not everyone owns a Ferrari? A person could work like a horse or buffalo for donkey years 24/7 and yet couldn't even afford a Toyota. Destiny sometimes do exists doesn't it?

If u're borned into a poor family then it certainly makes it harder for u to own a Toyota. If u're borned into a rich family, a Mercedes is peanuts to u. But likewise, the roles could swap too. A person borned into a poor family may end up affording a Ferrari and a person borned into a rich family could end up on public transport, not even a Toyota. Now destiny is sometimes in our own hands as well isn't it?

For some things, they are destined. I believe in that. If heaven wants u to be a poor shit or having to suffer terribly before acheiving success then u ain't going to change that. If god decided long before u enter this world, that u're going to have a fat girl as a wife, then somehow u'd end up marrying one.

But on the other hand, for most things and issues, the ball is in our court. We decide how we want to hit it, where we want to hit it. There's only one ball, u only get a chance. A rich fellow ends up a poor man because he choosed to squander away his assets on...lets say gambling. An innocent person could end up as a scapegoat because he choosed to cover up for his friend.

The line between fate is rather thin. We always have choices in our life. In every siutation no matter how terrible it may seem. Choice is always there. And choice comes with consequences.

We all want the best things in life. Every girl wants a prince or dream man like those in the movies. Make no mistake, they din't got influenced by the movies, its just human nature. Likewise, every boss wants to recruit the best employees for his company.

But sometimes we just don't realize that we need to put in efforts for things to work. This is where 'the ball is in ur court' comes into equation. U decided u want to be able to shop like a king. But did u realize that aside from heaven giving u a hand in striking lottery, this comes from papers. Right from school, how well u do will shape ur path. U do well and u get a better job and u can afford to walk into any shops in town and buy any shit u fancy.

Having said all these, we do sometimes have our own limits. We can't just have anything or anyone we want. God is fair sometimes. If every human gets what he/she fancies then this world will be in chaos. Imagine a road willed with expensive cars. Imagine a club with nothing but simply hunks and babes.

I've a belief that what we do will have a consequence after-life. Lets say if u're a fucking proud idiot then in ur next life u'd be borned a poor slave. It happens, don't ask why.

Everyone wants the best looking girls or guys. Every girl dreams of LV bags. Every company wants to make the biggest profits. But if only god permits everyone to have things their way.

Thats the beautiful part of life. We shape our own destiny sometimes, we ain't even aware of it.

Jokes Jokes Jokes

Joke 1 (GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS)
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


Joke 2 (Mum & Son)
A mother found her son scooping ice cream in the kitchen and was mad.
Mom: "Dinner is going to be ready in an hour, put that ice cream away and go play."

Son: "But mom, there's no one to play with."

Mom: "I'll play with you, what do you wanna play?"

Son: "Lets play mommy and daddy; you go upstairs and lay down on the bed."

The mom said ok and went upstairs. The son put on his dad's fishing hat and lit up one of his dad's cigarettes. He went upstairs and opened the door.

Mom: "Now what do I do?"

Son: "Get your ass out of bed, you whore, and fix that kid some fucking ice cream."


Joke 3
It's Friday morning and it’s time for some English language refresher. How to explain the difference between the two?

Youngest Son: "Tell me Daddy, what is the difference between "Potentiality" and "reality"?"

Dad: "I will show you"

Dad turns to his wife and asks her: "Would you sleep with Robert Redford for 1 million dollars"?

Wife: "Yes of course! I would never waste such an opportunity"! Then Dad asks his daughter, if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 million dollars?

Daughter:" Wow! Yes! He is my fantasy!"

So Dad turns to his elder son and asks him: "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 million dollars"?

Elder Son: "Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 million Dollars! I would never hesitate!"

So the father turns back to his younger son saying:" You see son, "Potentially" we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but in "Reality" we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay.


Joke 4

Oh so disastrous!

I'm blogging this entry in the service support center out of boredroom. Well unless someone can tell me what else i could do in this empty room while installing my VB.net software which is going to take like 2hours, i don't think there is a better ideal than blogging to kill time. Today just sucks terribly.

I had difficulties sleeping and overslept again. Thanks to Priscilla for telling me that disgusting news/story yesterday and Rachel for making it worst! It went something like.....a girl whose menses had came and she din't even realize it. Thus her shorts were like having 1 big red spot or something like that u know? Then it was said that she din't even realize it (i find this unbelievable) until her friend told her and she went to the toilet to 'settle it' and came out with a jacket over her waist. To 'hide' the bloody mess of course! Disgusting is one thing, making it worst is another.....!! Right my dear Rachel Zhang!!

So back to oversleeping. Thank god a morning call woke me up and i got so paranoid when i saw that the time was 9.06am! I immediately rush to the bathroom, took a quick shower, get my hair done, pack my bags and rush off. I set out of my place at 9.27am which means i have like 30mins to get my self to school and sign in or else i'd be considered absent and in deep shit! Worst stilll i was supposed to sign in for afew others which means i have others' responsibility on my shoulders. Thank god i managed to reach there around 9.55am and sign in at 9.59am! Just 1 minute more and everything would have gone to waste. Thank god the traffic wasn't heavy!

While working on the project my VB.net kept hanging non stop and crashed! Luckily i had back-up every single piece of work or else i'd feel like jumping down the river for good. All thanks to this shit software crashing at the worst possible time, just when i was making progress, i had to waste like 3hours reinstalling every single thing. Not a fun thing to do man.

I'm tired of signing in for people evert morning. Why is it always me? They could say they're tired or can't wake up then what about me? Am I not tired too? I'm not a robot. I realize the better i treat them the more they take things for granted. Imagine having to rush every morning to sign in for ur friends and some, they don't even show any appreciation. They could even just say "bye i'm leaving first u sign out for me later ok". Just like this without stating any reasons. Ridiculous. I'm fumming mad, to hell with such people i'm not gonna sign in for them forever. Humans are just selfish like i said, shouldn't treat everyone too good sometimes.

We are all liars!

Humans are all bitches! We love to complain and accuse people of cheating us, lying to us, hurting us and all sorts of shits! In truth, sometimes we should jolly well take a look at ourselves in the mirror. We're no better, admit it. Really, no matter how fucking big ur ego is or how fucking high ur pride is, just admit it! That u're just a bloody big fat liar as well!

In a break up, more than often enough I see girls accusing their guy of cheating on them or lying to them. They will go like...."why must u hurt me?! why must u lie to me!!?!"

It may be true that the bastard did lie, but maybe she should ask herself if she'd ever lied behind his back as well? Or that she knew beforehand well enough that he's such a bastard and yet choose to be with him? Or is she simply accusing her of this and that out of being sour?

During a job interview, the interviewer ask if u've experience in this line of job in the past. Are u going to be honest and hope ur honesty apleases him/her and get the job and say "NO, I'm new in this field". Or would u say "Yes, I have....bla bla bla experience and have done bla bla bla such jobs.." just to make sure than u stand a higher chance of being hired?

Then we have our daily lives, if u're a salesman and a customer walks into ur shop and have a hard time choosing between 2 different cameras. Will u tell him camera A is better just because it would mean u earn more in commission when instead camera B is the better one but cheaper?

Humans are just bitches u see! We talk about how being honest is good for everyone...we talk about how we want to be treated fairly and yet if we're in the shoes of a salesman, look what we would have done. We would go for profits! We would go for personal benefits!

We're all just a bunch of selfish bastards and bitches!

U sometimes wonder why all your kakis or friends went MIA (missing in action) when u need someone to accompany u or whatever. Why don't u ask urself then when ur friends ask u out have u ever give them a freaking lame excuse?! Excuses = Lies and karma do exists! End of story!

Nobody likes to be lied to, but we sometimes just don't realize that we ourselves are just as big a liar as anyone too. Maybe our pride and egos are too big to accept it. Too bad, thats the ugly side of humans. Thats why we have all those empty promises, scam cases in courts, ugly scandals, and so much more going on in the reality.

U can still say "NO! I'm a really honest lad!" But I will tell u no matter how honest u are there are bounds to be times in life u lied!

Don't even excuse urself by saying "aiya its a white lie mah". Because a lie is still a lie, be it white or black. Milk is still milk be it chocolate or strawberry correct? Chocolate and strawberry and whatever flavours there are, are just like 'types' - the type of lies.

Firstly we have those hopeless ones who lie through their skin. Its like a whore saying she'd never had sex before! Okie i know there are chances of the whore being a virgin but what kind of chances? 0.1%? 0.01%? or 0.0001%?

Secondly, we have those very fucking awful one like a cheating spouse to a fucking swindler. Then u have those terrible ones like telling ur best pal u can't accompany him/her at the 11th hour because 'ur dad is hospitalized' when instead its because a HOT girl/guy is asking u out at the last minute as well.

U also have those nearly as bad ones like telling all sorts of nice shits in front of someone and then licking ur boss's shoes by rubbishing all u can about him/her to get urself promoted. Or u could be telling ur gf how much u love her but in fact deep inside u couldn't even get over ur ex. Face the truth, how could u love someone when u can't even get over ur past. U couldn't get over the past because it means alot to u and so how could u be loving another person so soon? End of story!

Those who insist they're dead honest at this point of reading, let me tell u - FUCK U! Nobody's a perfectly honest person no matter how nice, good or incredible he/she is! So stop being such a dickhead and for the sake of making urself feel good. Feel good my ass alright!

We live in a world of lies, so take it in your stride and get on with it. Whats the point of complaining about it like u're being owned a million bucks? Seriously, being owned a million bucks is just of so much more importance and have so much more reasons to complain about than being lied.

Even if everyone's a liar, there are still good and bad people all around. Lies are just like blood flowing in our bodies, it will only disappear when we die.

Done with black!

Change is so vital nowadays, not a minute or second goes by where changes doesn't plays a part in our lives. Personally i've decided i'm done with black or dark color designs for now. Yes for NOW! So here it is, a brand new refreshing layout, ermm actually its roughly the same layout but the colors and little changes in designs does makes a big difference. I feel as if this blog is totally new now! In fact everytime i changed a template i felt so!

It took me 2 full days to finish up everything but all's still not completed. My previous entries' fonts are still in a mess! I regret having to manually set the font colors for every entry in the past and now i've got to set them back all over again! I shouldn've used the 'auto' method earlier. The one which u set the fixed color of ur blog text.

I still haven got time to finish up on the 'obsession' section. There promises to be some interesting stuffs coming up but not so soon i forecast! Its time to get going with my project....and last but not last....comments please!!!

FA Cup Champions 2006

The match itself was a heart stopping and excitement filled classic, the best FA Cup final in fact. Lesson learnt from this match - never give up. Trailing 3-2 right down to the final minute, millions must have all but given up. But these band of brothers have something else in mind, my favourite Gerrard especially. A totally stunning goal from a nearly impossible range. I can't care less the taunts and stick i got from my friends tell me this is one lucky goal. A goal is still a goal and its a beauty! What an exciting game, what a final!

Thereafter i headed down to mos with Daniel and met yan and her friends there. Had a couple of drinks and chill the night out. It was fun and tiring out there and man, girls these days can really drink -_-!

Fucked Up Day!

Nothing went right today. Couldn't solve anything in the project, tried asking around but nobody seem to be able to and some give me yaya papaya answers. fuck that! Now i know who i should consider helping in future and who are the ones i wouldn't even give a damn to. It really goes a long way to show what kind of friends we are in such times. I feel my project's in deep shite right now, a total bad feeling! I've got a shite supervisor who doesn't seem to understand what is 'replying a student's email'! Hello! Your bloody job is to assist and guide your student under u and not slack or heck care. Wtf man....seb was right, this whole project is like a one man show. All by myself!

Next up, the fucking msn's been giving me hell. Some people see me as appear offline others see me as online and those who talked to me had to typed countless times before the message was able to be sent. I'm pissed because i was supposed to receive some important files from sengkee and this stupid fucking msn fucking cock up and such a fucking wrong time! Tried pratically everything, from changing to a different version to reinstalling to using another computer to log in. Nothing works...nothing! This is totally screwed up for christ's sake msn is like such an important form of communication tool to me. Did anyone experience something like this too? Tell me please....!

Horrible day nothing went right i really hope wednesday would be a better day but i doubt so, ive a really bad feeling! I wish today was friday so tomorrow would be Saturday! I'm looking forward to Saturday, please wake me up when friday ends!

Hilarious!

Bored? Feeling blue? Feeling down? Sad? Pissed? Watch these videos, especially the one about 'Learning english' and be sure to laugh your ass off lol


Learning English!




Comic soccer!

Ordinary Sunday

My immune system seemed to be down right from thursday onwards. It must have been the horrible and ever-changing weather as well as the hours i spent playing soccer under the sun on wednesday. I kept having bouts of flu attacking me every now and then, no matter what medicine i take! Matters weren't help when i went all the way down to Bt Panjang plaza to have cafe cartel's grilled chicken for lunch. Temptation got the better of me, that explains why.

While on the way out to get lunch this afternoon i saw 2 kids playing about in the open with a basketball. Memories, beautiful memories of my childhood came flooding back. I have a never-ending list of childhood memories. How i miss those days, where there was so much freedom and not a single worry at all. All i to do was to play, enjoy myself and make sure my days were lived to the fullest. I remember the 'block or playground catching' games, those 'tamiya' car racings, and all sorts of funny games. I remember every afternoon after school i'd be dying to get home and changed to go out with my friends to play in the neighbourhood until evening where i would come home alll sweaty and dirty, took a bath, have dinner and went to bed. I'd be asleep by 9pm everyday its amazing. Well those were the days. Sweet =D

'Juliet' asked me yesterday if i love designing my pictures and obviously the answer is yes. But not only pictures, i just like designing everything. From home decorations/designs to clothings, to scripts, cards, everything. Maybe because i've an imaginative mind which means i have this thing that is needed to go along with the them designing - CREATIVE that is! Hence i'm prepared to go into designing business or do designing jobs when i eventually begin my career. I think it suits me and most importantly i've interest in it. Well i believe if i get a job that i've got interest in and that i'm good at it, the bucks will follow suit. At least i won't dread going to work every morning too!

Anyway people always assume i edit all my pictures but thats not the case, just look at this picture below, they weren't editted at all except for the words added onto one of them and the size of the picture being made smaller. Do i have good photography skills then? Well i don't know but i know photography is also about imagination as well lol.



Lately i've been happier, i guess i know why too. Well for some things i guess its too late. I don't want to wait all my life, i used to be a dumb fellow waiting on forever and i know by waiting, it would touch some hearts and prove some sincerity but then how long can a person wait? I always believe once a love is broken its broken even if u mend it there'd be cracks. Kylie was right, at least it happened once in my life and i should be contended with it. Love should be set free and not be clinged onto.

I know people will say wow u got over it so fast, u must be a playboy or some shit. But that's not the case, i gave my all and i was fully committed and faithful as well when the bond wasn't broken. Its not a matter of how fast we get over something sometimes. Its like studying, u can study so much and still fail but it doesn't means u're stupid. Same thing for saying u can get over a person u love so much in such a short time but it doesn't mean u dun love that person alot.

There's a time to know when to hold on and there's a time to realize its time to let go. Im choosing to let go so we could both get along with our lives. Its really pointless to cling on sometimes, its like trying to act as someone u're not. Eventually u'd still return to your original self. Like i say, once broken its broken.

10 Simple Secrets of Success

1 - The Past is not the future
Its tempting to simplify things. The game is rigid. Some people have all the advantages and they succeed. Some have all the disadvantages and they fail. It is also terribly misleading. Your success is far more dependent on your behavior nnow than it is based upon where u grew up, where u went to school or whether your path so far has been easy or difficult. Opportunity lies ahead, its a matter of whether or not u choose to pursue it.

2 - U will get wat u're afraid of
When we spend time worrying about things that could go wrong, we're not spending time trying to improve. That's like saying worrying about things going wrong will increase the chances of them going wrong. Accepting that we will have a fair share of success and failures will free us to pursue achievements and to spend time thinking about wat we can do instead of wat we can't. Negatively kills!

3 - Nobody wins without a loser
On the path to success, u will sometimes confornt siutations in which u must directly complete with someone and your victory will create bitterness or a rivalry. Even more frequently, your success will cause others to compare themselves to u and to react with jealousy at your ability. Take comfort in the knowledge that it is not a personal attack but rather a sincere but unpleasant form of flattery that can't be avoided sometimes.

4 - If u dun believe, no one else will
Sometimes we look to others to convince us of wat we want to believe. Ironically, others base their true judgements, not just on wat they think we can do, but on wat they think we can do. Confusing? Its easy, it means people around u will most likely mirror your feelings - showing u fear when u show fear and confidence when u demostrate confidence. The point then is - u cant rely on others to convince u because they will rely on u to convince them.

5 - Don't want everything
We think of many shits in a race - who gets the promotion, who gets the biggest salary, who has the fastest car, bla bla. Its a race between us and everyone around us for these things. Yet we don't need to have these things to succeed. What we need is wat we need. Just because someone else wants to be at the top does not mean u need the same things.
Success in life is not a matter of getting everything. Thats impossible and wouldn't be much of a joy even if its possible. Success is a matter of getting wat u need. Think of success as filling a box. U will soon finish the box by working harder to fill it but also by choosing a smaller box.

6 - U can't force yourself to like Broccoli!
Certain job requires a distinct personality. There is little point in pursuing a job in communications if u're an introvert person who doesn't like to interact with people. If your soul bursts with passionate creativity, u're not likely to be content with a job in accounting. Notice the similiarties in both statements?
Personalities are like shoe size. They are not subject to our choice of perference but they can be occasionally fudged - with uncomfortable consequences. Realize who u are, wat your true personality is and choose a future with it. There's no such thing as i dunno what my personality is!

7 - It's not about how freaking hard u try
"Work hard and u will be rewarded." Its a familiar statement to most right? But remember wat it was like studying for a test? Some kids study forever and still did badly. Some studied hardly at all and made great grades. Now its not because the ones who study and fail are fucking stupid.
The point is, u can spend incredible effort inefficiently and gain nothing. Or u can spend modest efforts efficiently and be rewarded. The purpose of wat u do is to make progress, not just to expend yourself.

8 - Remember the difference between u and everyone else
Turn on the evening news and u'll see another day's catalog of terror and traumma. Read the business page and u'll see which local company is downsizing. Our big picture perspective can be shaped or misshaped, by attention grabbing shits.
The news doesn't cover people who had a particulaly good da, do they? The news doesn't cover the continued existence of a healthy company either, do they? Don't let the negative picture of the world cloud your perspective, thats the main lesson here.

9 - Get your motivation where u can find it
People who care seem to do a better job in everything they do. Why do people care? Wat inspires them? The answer is almost anything that u can imagine. Some people are driven internally by their own competitive juices. Some are driven externally by their thirst for approval and appreciation. Some are driven by a desire to succeed to show up their families.
Use wat u really care about to make yourself passionate and how things turn out.

10 - Failure is not trying
Who doesn't fear failure? U've got to be from woodbridge to say u dun fear that. Nobody wants to reveal to others or to themselves that they were not capable of doing something they tried to do. This fear cab be used as a source of motivation to keep u working hard towards your goals.
Yet this same fear offers a convenient escape clause. U can never fail if u dun bother to try.
Not trying is, of course the ultimate failure, for it means u can never make progress towards your goals.

Issues

Going to school every tuesday and thurday makes me reflect on the jolly good old times we had as a class. Its wonderful i mean, eating together, doing stupid things together, moving around the campus together. The list goes on and on. Now that everyone's graduated, only afew are left behind and its so wierd, at least to me. Everytime i see big groups of classmates having fun or hanging out together i feel sad inside. Suddenly i wished the clock could turn back and move slower, suddenly i wished exams don't come so soon because that means we have lot of time together. Haha its funny how people don't realize how wonder some small things are until its gone. Chucks!

I'm sick of this i'm sick of this stupid blog and gays shit going around.Colin and Kero if u get wat i'm saying here. I mean its just 2 kids either really gay (which i believe so) or just another bunch of childish attention seekers. Whichever way it is, they certainly generate alot of attention nowadays. Not that i'm jealous, i've no reasons to be be either. I just don't understand what the fuss is it about these 2 kids. Haven u people seen gays around? Is it that new to everyone? And the way the type their entries and talk it sounds more girly that i could ever imagine. Plain kiddo childish talk. Sorry but everyone who reads my blogs or knows me knows that i condemn such irritating and stupid way of talking or typing. By the way, i don't really have a thing against gays just in case anyone's wondering. I just find this whole thing about people being so excited or crazy plain moronic! Fuck me , i dun care!

My FYP project is getting me worried nowadays. I thought 15 weeks was a long time but suddenly i realized i have only like 8 weeks left to finish the whole bloody thing. I feel guilty for slacking away 2 - 3 weeks the other time. Worse still, i kinda need help in certain areas but i couldn't get any and din't feel good asking around too. It's like so 'paiseh', keep asking people for help. I could say the project is half completed and now comes the hardest part which i dread - coding and database. I know nuts because i din't take 2 important modules which relates to those to weak areas. This whole project could really drive me nuts but at the same time it makes me alot more independent as a person. I had to eat alone, work alone, do everything alone and basically survive the 15 weeks alone. Fingers crossed i don't screw up anything!

Wel thanks again to my everyone especially my blog readers who've been giving me lots of encouragement and nice words but im fine. In the first place i din't even know my blog is worth reading. I'm surprised but i appreciate and thank u guys for having to read such a boring lousy blog. I guess i'd be updating my whole layout soon. Innovation is essential and of utmost importance in this modern world!

The dust have settled

"its beta that u should leave far away from mi"
"i jus think i not a good gf"
"i am indeed selfish and useless"

"ur a very gd gf but because ur mind is confused and your heart is half empty"

"im willing to stick by u"
"stand by u"
"even if it means being hurt i will bear with it"
"but if u insist that i leave u alone"
"then i wont force u"

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"I DUN WAN TO HURT U ANYMORE"
"if i am in yr shoes i believe i will be sad waiting"

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"go for ms nice girl than being with a sty and sux person like mi"
"each time u treated mi like a princess.. each time u are so nice... i keep blaming myself "

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"from now on.. i will be back to my life like i haven met u.."

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"are we stil frens?"
"will u confide in me?"
"why not?"
"=D"

Officially over, ended. A new chapter opens in our lives. Despite saying that, i'm still blue, i'm still sad and i still can't believe how we ended up this way. Am i really Mr Nice Guy? I don't think i am in the first place and now i think mr nice guys always suffer. Maybe i should be mr bad boy instead.

I still miss her now and then, the dinners we had every evening, the way we like to bricker with each other, that night at MOS, the way she falls asleep on my shoulders often, the way she smells me and says i smell good.....things like that. I'm juz glad we din't have to make things worse by ending on a sour note. I'm juz glad i could still talk to her and so on. U just have to be grateful to the little things in life sometimes.

I'm done with relationships for now, i don't see the point of getting into another when i've basically little or no faith left. Whenever i see friends of mine being so loving with their partners i feel a sense of grief and regret. Whenever i see couples holding on to each other dispite going through rough and testing times, i would feel even regretful and medicore. But then i never know do i? I never know if one day i met someone that my heart can't resist. I never know if one day we rekindle our love? I never know if one day i actually turn gay? Life throws up the most unexpected siutations as always.

Friends often like to say: "u can always find someone better". But in truth, thats a very lousy way to console someone. Saying is always easy but when u love someone so much its not easy to replace him/her in your heart. Whats more finding? Why bother to find a special fish in the entire ocean? If its fated to come to u then it will, if not even if u spend your entire life searching for it u'd never find it.

When i wake up tomorrow it will be a new day but some things will always stay in my heart. I'm neither sinking into despression nor trying to be a sadist, but my life suddenly became black and white again. I just hope she'd stop blaming herself, i just hope she'd stop feeling its her fault because nobody was at fault. I choosed to love an imperfect person, i choose to love a person willingly despite knowing her heart doesn't only consists of me. Maybe she'd forget me easily, maybe i wouldn't be missed, but u love a person without regrets and thats what i did. Thats the consolation i could take from everything. As a friend, the last thing i want to see is to see her suffering. I'd say the same to any of my friends as well.

All i could do now is to pick myself up, focus on my priorities, keep the sadness, hope for the best, allow time to heal the wounds inside me and get on with my life - starting from tomorrow.