I am going to FAIL

6 days from now is the dreaded deadline. I'm going to hand up a half completed project and fail. 7 1/2 years will be going down the drain just like that, no diploma, no future. I'm not fit to study IT, I hate database. I'm so ashamed of myself. I'm going to FAIL! sigh...............

I can't recognize myself

7.29am, I should be in dreamland sleeping away. But no, hell no. I'm wide awake, in a daze and feeling numb all over. I've juz finished another night of boozing, partying, and fooling around. I have been doing this for 2 consecutive days, friday and saturday. I think my body could take it no longer, my nose bleed suddenly, I felt weak. This isn't me. Have I lost it?

The past 2 days, I'd just fool around, boozing away with all kinds of drinks, and those that people offer me. Strangers to be exact. Well when people are high u would automatically become their friend isn't it. I came across all sorts of people as well, butches, lesbians, ah guas, gays, whores. For once I din't care who they were, I'd just fool around, till I'm satisfied. I'm not drunk, I wouldn't be typing this if I am.

What's happening to my life? Whats going on? Have I allowed stress and rejection to affect me this badly? I wanna dig a hole and bury myself, away from all these shits. I need warmt, a warm heart that would embrace me. I need love badly, I feel as if I've nothing at all at this moment. I'm toying with myself.

My birthday's in 3 days time, but i know very well it's gonna be the worst birthday ever in my 23 years of life. My life sucks badly!

Fashion-less Singapore

Fashion-wise, is Singapore right up there with the big boys like U.S, France, Italy, Japan and even Taiwan? The answer is realatively unknown but I do feel Singaporeans' sense of fashion/dressing sucks badly. Admit it, we're a long way off others.

But is such a comparison fair? Can u expect to see a Singaporen guy in turtle neck and leather blazer walking down along the streets in Orchard? How about a girl with fluffy skirt, leather boots and a winter scarf around her neck? What I do feel unfair about such comparison is that climate plays a part in fashion as well. So Singapore is such a fucking hot coutry that we expect to see people walking shamelessly in singlets, the so call bermudas(god knows if they understand what a bermudas is), slippers, t-shirts, etc down the streets in town? This just isn't right either.

"Singapore lags behind others in dressing and fashion because we're all too lazy to be creative."

Good fashion and dressing sense doesn't mean u've got to dress like a movie star going to the Oscars or some model doing the catwalk. What good fashion and dressing sense means is to be creative, unique and feel comfortable in what u're wearing. Simple clothes can make good fashion too sometimes. Easier said than done though, there are afew factors that contribute to poor dress sense amongst Singaporeans :

1. Too lazy
2. Copycats
3. Too stingy
4. Too naive

Since when do we see all these giodarno mini tees with levis jeans being so popular amogst the fairer sex? Its a trend isn't it? You see someone wearing something nice and u want that too. But what if u've a waist of 30 and above? Do u think u'd look good in those low cut jeans and body hugging tees? This trend is not so hot nowadays, the Jessica Simpson hot pants with skimpy tops and some sports bags are getting hotter these days. But seriously the chances seeing of a perfect pair of legs that match those hot pants are similiar to those of seeing a rainbow.

The guys? No better either even though guys' fashion is more limited compared to the ladies' who have a variety to choose from. But isn't the sight of guys in t-shirt and jeans or those long sleeves topman shirts and jeans getting a little too irking for our eyes? And how about those who wears slippers everywhere they go?

Personally I feel different characteristics will opt for different fashion sense. There will always be those who don't give a damn about what they wear. There will be those naive ones who think too highly of their looks and bods and go for something which turn them into some clowns in a Singapore Circus. The worst ones though, are the stingy ones. And we're not talking about branded goods here, we're talking about a shirt that costs $70, a jeans that costs $120, a blouse that costs $40, things like that. If a t shirt that costs $20 is considered out of your budget then u might as well get those 3 for $10 ones.

That is why they say Singaporeans are ugly. They go for bargains everytime. As long there is bargain they don't mind if its ugly or not. The worse ones will want cheap and yet NICE designs with GOOD quality. Why don't they just fucking shoot themselves?

Good dress sense is so vital these days yet we are all neglecting it.

Blue

I'm so drained and feeling so blue, sick and tired of everything. I need a break from this current lifestyle. I mean it, I need to keep myself away from things concerning the world cup. I might just end up in a ward in woodbridge if I don't do so.

I need a big breathing space, I need to get out to the beach or some windy breezy place where I can 'cast' all my troubles into the wind. Staying at home isn't helping at all. I feel caged and suffocated.

Everything is in a big mess, projects, world cup, friends, blah. I'm going away for awhile......away from this life.

I'm an Outcast

I woke up after more than 12 hours of sleep feeling like an outcast hereupon. Yes, for once in a long while, I finally got my much awaited and much needed sleep. Felt totally refreshed the moment I woke up. But heck I looked at the time and went "oh shit". 7pm I was supposed to be at Joey's place for her birthday party but I'm still wobbling around in bed. I checked my phone messages and miss-calls. There were alot about soccer bets and others but none from my classmates.

This is disappointing I thought, in the past at least someone will definitely ask me if we wanna meet up and go together, get presents, etc. But heck, not this time round. Tried texting elmo last night but not no reply from him as well. Actually I dint felt this way only now, in fact I felt green and disappointed when I saw the pictures from double O and zouk. Is someone talking crap behind me? Whatever.

Actually I could still have gone to the party in a cab but for a few reasons, I decided not to. Firstly I'd be damn late by the time I reach and that wouldn't be really nice, secondly I'd be going empty handed and that's not very nice either, thirdly I feel as if everyone hates me or something so I wouldn't want to see people who din't want to see me either. Maybe I'm having abit too much of a preoccupation but actions don't lie do they? I don't think my presence will make a difference anyway, I've never been missed do I?

My guess is its probably because of the previous post that I wrote about not wanting to join them for clubbing for 2 reasons one being I'm not feeling well and other being they've never make a point to be available when I need someoone going out with. I still stick by those words I said. But only now do I realized that I've indeed misquoted something to Joey about not remembering what I said. That was a big misunderstanding.

But what's said and done can't be turned around. If I'm an outcast now so be it, I'm just feeling guilty I can't attend the party. One reason I don't believe in best friends is siutations like this. Knowing myself, I may say something like "oh no big deal" but actually it does mean a big deal. But honestly what can I do?

I felt sick at the sight and thoughts of graduates attending the graduation cenemory tob collect their certificates. By rights I should be one of them but for 2 mistakes in the past some 3 years ago, I've had to have an extra semester and there goes my chance of ever attending such a cenemory, and attending one with people that I came into school with. It's a big deal to me. This is what I call lifetime acheivement and sweet memories.

Oh well..what a way to start my day. Luckily I've the world cup and projects to keep me occupied.

Luckless and Pissed

I'm so fucking fed up, pissed and down on my luck. Today is one to forget, messed up my database, kana put on plane, mixed up the bets, lost heavily and god know what's up next!

Fuck I'm not going to give my OPINION on any matches from now on. I detest people who lick my heels and ask for my tips or opinions and then sing my praises when they win but when the odd loss comes up just like today, they scream things into my phone like "wah lan eh still Spain can draw....knn".

What tHE fuck? Come on, u people have to get this bloody face right, that THE BALL IS ROUND! By saying that, if u fucking don't understand what it means now I'm fucking telling u that it means anything can happen, the impossible can happen! I am not jesus or buddha. And if u're asking for my opinions u fucking bear in mind that what I say is WHAT I FEEL! Everyone have their own opinions and views so if u choosed to ask for mine don't come blaming me when things goes wrong because i DID NOT ask or force u to bet accordinly to my opinions!

Its totally not fun mixing up bets and having to end up paying 'compensation' for nothing at all either. Screw it, Im going to stay away from the next game for now.

*pls* I know I can't please everyone, especially u strangers who don't know me. if u feel offended or feel like fucking me please don't try a pathetic attempt at posting lame comments. Do something more more meaningful like planting trees and save the enviroment instead alright. Buzz of wankers!

World Cup and the Fairer Sex

World Cup seems to bring out the funnier side of the fairer sex. Pubs and bars which are filled with men watching soccer are suddenly filled with women. There are even girls queuing at singapore pools outlets and I don't mean those old aunties buying 4-D or ToTo but young teenage-looking ones.

Why huh do girls suddenly get so interested in this "11 idiots chasing after a ball" game? Excitement? Bets? Hunks? Trends? Maybe, quite possible. Its still funny or cute how a girl can sit in front of the tv screen getting so excited just because everyone around is excited! Deep inside I wonder if they know what's going on? Sure there are some who knows what is going on during the match but most do not. Its either they've wager a small amount or are following the crowd.

There are some reasons why girls should avoid betting though......

1. "...my bf take wat i take wat lor...loyal gf leh!"
2. "...I took japan coz i love nakata he's so cutee"
3. "...my frens all say brazil is good and taking them so i follow"

World Cup is really taking a heavy toll on me, I can hardly concentrate on my work or get enough sleep. This is bad considering I've less than 3 weeks to finish my project and still having big difficulties in solving it. First time I'm doing a project without any help. Its totally stressful and giving me sleepless nights. I wonder, why can't they postpone the deadline to a later date to allow us to watch the world cup! Haha big fat dream, if only..

The good guy always loses out

I woke up feeling a sense of disappointment this morning. Not because of last night's world cup bets or projects but because of matters of the heart. I'd just finish preparing the bets for tonight's games, taken a bath and ready to work on my project when I felt unease. There's something I just had to get it off me, hopefully blogging helps.

Just why do the bad guys always gain or win in matters concerning the heart? Are girls blind? Its ironic that sometimes a girl know that a guy is a player or something but still can't help falling for him. What makes a bad guy so attractive is probably the exciting stuffs he will bring, there will be alot of fun and excitement but no committment. Is it wrong to say then, that only the bad girls fall for the bad guys? I doubt so.

I'm very sick of hearing and seeing girls saying how they want a sweet loving great nice bf who will only love and care about her all the time blah blah blah...and yet fall for a bad guy or rejects the one who fufilled all the above. A bunch of bollocks!

I am seriously considering becoming a big time player for good. Afterall, I've got the wits, the looks, the cunning, the flirty nature and a cold heart to go with it all. Ame once told me this "its better to be a player than be a good guy and be played". I disagree with her at that time probably because I was very much in love and love could blind someone. But I didn't agree now because I'm out of love. I disagree now even though I'm still missing that someone very much, even though I'm still feeling for her very much. But I do see Ame's point in giving that advice to me now. I'm not contradicting but its true that at times its better to play, at least my heart wouldn't ache. At least I wouldn't get replies like "U're too good for me, Im not good enough for u"....."don't waste ur time on me", etc etc.

A bunch of total bollocks! In love there isn't any comparasion of whether a couple is good enough for each other. If u love someone then that someone is perfect for u isn't it. Its not as if the someone minds your flaws or weakness or your past.

Humans are stubborn creature sometimes, we know deep inside our heart what we want but we're afraid to try. We're afraid to give ourselves and our future a chance and yet we always whine about how regretful we are. So what makes of people who writes those emails or bulletins like "tell the one how much u love him/her or u'll regret it", etc etc.

And how about the people who always console others, telling them to be strong, that when love comes grab the chance and so on? U people are good at telling others what to do, consoling others but u people have no fucking idea what it is like to do it yourself. U people are just shunning from reality!

The good guys always loses out, so why not be the bad guy? Don't even tell me I can find someone better because the whatever someone better out there will tell me the same thing as well.

I'm terribly fumming, sad and depressed and I still have to fucking work on a Saturday. My heart aches badly because the love was deep. My anger rose fast and high because the passion was aplently.

World Cup diary

Check this out, my world cup special diary where all the world cup shits will be blogged, including betting stuffs.

My virgin lesbian party

I've never seen a club full of girls in my life. I mean its really full, I can hardly spot any guys in sight. This is something new to me, lesbian party!

I went to the party for 2 reasons, the first being curious and the second being that I wanted to spend whatever time I could find with her. The party was held at Zouk and despite being something of a regular there in the past, I didn't feel comfortable at all, even before I enter the place. How could I feel comfortable when all those walking past me or queuing were lesbians, andros or butches. I felt out of place! I wanted to turn and run home! But the thought of being able to spend time with ling makes me stand by my decision to stay.

We entered Zouk and the main hall was having a 'femme' contest. First time I saw such a big stage being planted in the main hall too. I feel so mountain turtle man. The presence of ling did make me feel alot more comfortable but not totally. I kept looking out frantically for any guys and I felt relieved when I saw afew rare ones. Well I know chances are....they are gays but at least I know I'm not the only guy in this place!

I've never heard so many wolf whistles from girls to other girls in my life. This kind of things, I thought only happens when the models/contestants are babes and the audience are guys. How wrong was I. Interesting experience, just the beginning though.

I realized too without guys, the bartenders do serve people faster because there ain't any guys jostling, pushing or squeezing in trying to place their orders. Next, I went to the loo and was surprised to see GIRLS inside the GUYS' loo! What?! My first thought was that I entered the wrong toilet but seeing the typical guys' toilet bowls, I knew I didn't enter the wrong one. Of course I wasn't going to pee openly in front of all these lesbians and butches. I ended up queuing quite awhile thanks to a couple making out in one of the cubics or something.

The next thing that follow was even shocking. I was having such a bad tummyache that I must have took quite awhile in the loo and I sense there were some impatient souls outside waiting from all the feets that I could see and the noises that I could hear. Before I knew it, one girl climbed onto the door and peep in! I got such a big shock not because someone peep in but because it was a girl!

Din't dance much as the sight of gays hugging and squeezing each other openly makes me sick right in the stomach. In fact, I got approached afew times but I waved them off. Maybe that explains why I keep having the runs throughout the night.

I went around finding a seluded spot to rest and 'hide' away and allow ling sometime to enjoy herself. I sense I was being a burden by sticking to her all night. I didn't feel it was a right thing to do so I just went around finding a nice spot. I managed to find one but it seem everyone was staring at me the moment i sat down.

It didn't hit me that I had left her alone by doing so. Afterall she came with me. I just wanted her to enjoy herself and not have to look out for me all the time. I also wanted to see if she'd look for me which shows she still remembers me when I'm not around. Maybe I shouldn't have done that. Its the only sour thing thoughout the whole night.

An interesting and worthy experience afterall, now know a thing or 2 more about lesbian parties!

2006 FIFA WORLD CUP



The stage is set, the show will start in 24 hours from today. 32 teams, 31 broken hearts, 1 winner. There will be tears, there will be joy, there will be anger, there will be controversies. Lengends and history willl be made, stars will be borned. Billions of dollars exchange hands every single day - right up to July 9. Welcome to the biggest event in the world - The World Cup.





It seem like yesterday I was only watching Thuram score 2 goals as France beat Croatia to advance into the final of the world cup in 1998. How time flies, it is almost 8 years from that day.

From tomorrow midnight onwards, where Germany kick off against Costa Rica, the whole world will change, for a month at least. So will mine. There will be an added but much welcomed distraction everyday. I will have to juggle my time like no tomorrow.

World Cup does have a huge effect on everything, everyone. In Holland, Women formed an anti world cup group as they were neglected by their husbands, bf or partners. Worldwide, there will be all sorts of stuffs named after something concerned with the world cup. Such as in Germany there's a new vodka called the "Ballack Mix" and a sex toy known as "lulu popo" (Lukas Podolski - Germany striker). The one common thing though would be punting or better known as soccer betting. Everywhere, no matter how fucking hard the cops try to clamp down on it, its mission impossible. Everyone will be out to make a quick buck and i know from experience that there would be more disappointed and upset souls than happy ones when the whold competition ends.



Soccer bettingg during the world cup can either make u rich or bankrupt overnight. There's a golden rule I've come to terms with : never increase your stakes and try to win back your losses after u've lost a game. The reason is mystifying - u will just end up losing more.

I love making predictions sometimes. In the past I'd go with my heart and its always England but this time I've decided to go with my head. The people's favourite is naturally Brazil without having to ask why - they can field 3 teams in the world cup and all 3 could get to the semi finals. Thats how good they are but I do not believe, or think they will win a 6th world title in Germany. I firmly believe the winner will come from Europe from 1 of the trio of England,Holland or Italy. There are bound to be dark horses as well, my pick? Ivory Coast, Mexico, Australia.

Here's my little forecast for the world cup :

Possible winners - England, Holland, Brazil,
Will go far - Germany, Mexico, Australia, Ivory Coast, Czech Rep
Will disappoint - Spain, Argentina, France

Group A qualifiers - Germany, Costa Rica
Group B qualifiers - England, Sweden
Group C qualifiers - Holland, Ivory Coast
Group D qualifiers - Portugal, Mexico
Group E qualifiers - Czech Rep, Italy/USA
Group F qualifiers - Brazil, Australia
Group G qualifiers - South Korea, Switzerland
Group H qualifiers - Spain, Ukraine

1 Thing for sure, after the group stages, any team can beat each other and its like a lottery so i shall not make any predictions for round 2 for now.

A child all over again

Sometimes I wished I could turn back time and be a child all over again and live in a world where the skies are always blue. Everyday is like holidays, living without a single worry in the world. A world that is free of ugly humans and their even uglier doings. Stress and responsibility just doesn't exist in my dictionary.

A world where burdens and expectations does not prevail. Everything is so simple and carefree. I don't get to taste a bitter 'medicine' called love either, not to mention its even bitter sidekick called 'pain'. All the love I felt would come from my parents.

There isn't a need contemplate about the IFs and the what-would-have-beens. Everything is done without any regrets. Totally immune to blames and critics. There seem to be a rainbow everyday in a child's world in contrast to an adult's world.

Isn't it great if we don't have to grow up sometimes? Its just a wild thought, its not possible of course. Reality and growing up is a constituent of life. I don't mean I cant handle reality or isn't willing to face it. Its just that sometimes I miss the life I used to have, that of a child.

Don't say anything if u haven't anything good to say

Sometimes we humans just love shouting our mouth off wihout knowing what we're actually saying. Words could hurt someone, words could cause a misunderstanding or even an unwanted siutation.

We should just stop short of saying anything if what is coming out of our mouth isn't good. Humans just don't learn though. We say so much crap all the time we hardly realize it. Our words screw things up more often than we know.

Action speaks louder than words but words do play some part in every aspect of life too.

Well boring Sunday today I'm having a slight flu and lots of phlegm probably due to eating heaty stuffs and drinking last night. Went shopping yesterday but only bought my blazer. Im happy nevertheless because its not what i buy that matters but who i went to buy with that matters most.

Pior to that, Jean and I wasted afew hours out there in town. Shall not mention the shit, its over anyway.

I'm feeling blue today.................

Aimless Blogging

Sometimes when I'm in the mood to blog, I haven an idea, topic or issue to write about. Today is an instance. Funnily, I think the heavy downpour this afternoon makes me emotional and gave the the urge to blog. I love the rain sometimes.

I'm going to confess all my feelings from today out since I don't know what to write about.

Firstly I hate myself sometimes for being too imaginative and sensitive, thus jumping into conclusions easily. Oh well, they say everything has a bad and good side so I guess this is the bad side of being too sensitive.

I can't stand people who show me attitude like ignoring and walking so fast like what Grace did today. The heck I waited 1 hour like a fool and she din't even apologise when she arrived and showed me attitude instead. Fine, I showed her back double. They say karma exists well it does, maybe its a retribution for yesterday when I made them U-Turn their taxi to pass me the chocolate. She was like screaming...."is this chocolate so important to u?!" And my response was "yes!"

My classmates are heading down to double O tonight to gather as majority of the guys are enlisting in early June. I decline, with valid and invalid reasons. Valid reaon - I'm dead tired and worn out. Invalid reason - Whenever I tried asking them out to club they would all reject me. So why should I go? When I need company or feel like going out in a small group, the majority gave me shit so well why should I even go?

I miss her and the short times we spent together yesterday. But I din't like it when she toture herself in such a way - by drinking and going wild. It pains me. I believe its not what she really wants but she just do it to make herself feel good or happy. That was the only sour point of otherwise a great night out. Sometimes I wished we could do something else other than club.

Often, I found myself thinking about her, what is she doing, did she have enough sleep, will she feel faint having sleep so little, is she thinking of me too, etc etc. At times, I also found myself reading through all the sms she sent over and over again and smiling at the phone. Occasionally I'd stare into space with images of the times we spent together running through my mind. All these points to one thing - these are signs of missing someone badly. But is it right?

While typing this entry I got an unexpected call saying that I'm selected for the World Cup Fans showdown and photoshoot. Haha damn the people who did the selection must be blind or that there are not enough guys lol. Still deciding on whether to attend the briefing tomorrow as it clashes with my driving lesson.